acrappywebsite.com

I am very dissapointed. The Super Bowl sucked. I haven't said that since the year Neil O'Donnel, the Steeler quarterback, won the Super Bowl for the Cowboys by repeatedly throwing the ball directly at the Cowboys defensive backs. Every single facet of the game sucked. First of all, the game was one of the least entertaining in recent memory. The play was sloppy, the Eagles for the last six minutes of the game didn't appear to give a crap whether they won or lost, and for the most part there were no exciting plays, which the Super Bowl is usually full of.

Then, the commercials sucked. Normally the Super Bowl has at least a few entertaining commercials, but this year there seemed to be a contest to decide which company could spend the most money on the worst, most unimaginative and unentertaining commercial on the broadcast.The only one that even remotely kept my attention was the one with the chick in the court room with the big boobs. I don't even remember what the company was, I just remember there being boobs.

And that's another thing, the Super Bowl this year was alarmingly boobless. Now granted, Janet Jackson's stunt last year was just a shameless attempt to resurrect her dead career and she is old enough to be a grandmother, but I have to say I am in favor of the idea of Super Bowl halftime boobs. They would certainly keep my attention a lot better than Paul freakin McCartney. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot my protocol. SIR Paul freakin McCartney. Who the hell made him a knight anyway? And don't say the queen of England either. I mean who the fuck decided anything that ass clown has ever done was worthy of being knighted. If my history knowledge is accurate, knighthood was originally an honor bestowed upon soldiers and protectors of the highest order. Even after the Middle Ages it was usually only given to people who were military heroes. How has the idea of knighthood (which is supposedly a source of pride for British people) gotten bastardized so badly that Paul McCartney is knighted? What the hell has he done to protect anybody? Oh right, not a damn thing. All that jackass has done is make a bunch of shitty music only hippies and old people listen to. What a crock of shit.

But I digress. Next year, I think the Super Bowl halftime show needs to explore the boob theme. As a matter of fact, why don't they just have a big parade of boobs? It would be great, they could have all the cheerleaders from all the NFL teams line up and prance around topless. I'd say they should be naked, but we want to protect the Super Bowl's integrity as family entertainment. So topless will just have to do. And then maybe they can oil each other up and have topless cheerleader wrestling matches at midfield.

On second thought, fuck the actual game. Next year the Super Bowl should be four hours of naked chicks. Think about it, we could have a football league where instead of overgrown men, the athletes are hot lesbians, and instead of football, they do the nasty in the shower. And the Super Bowl would be one big lesbian orgy on the beach. Oh wait, I just described a porno I just watched.

back to reviews