WANTED:
One temporary replacement wife while my wife recooperates from surgery, as she is presently unable to perform necessary wifely functions as cooking, cleaning up after me, and sexing me up. Candidates must be able to do dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and prepare 1-2 hot meals per day (depending on my work schedule). They must enjoy football, video games, and loud Satanic rock music. She must appreciate my legendary farting and show genuine appreciation of same whenever she is blessed with an exhibition. Must also be open to bedroom experimentation, as well as doing it with another chick. After we're done being freaky she must shut the fuck up and not try to cuddle so I can go to sleep. She must also never talk about her feelings or while I'm concentrating on football or video games. Better yet, she must speak only when spoken to. Only applicants in their twenties will be considered. Must have nice thingies and be willing to let them flop around while she's cooking my dinner.