Recently, my younger brother informed me that he is going to be spending a few months student teaching in France. What a fag. Apparently, he entered a contest or some shit, and the loser has to go to France, and he lost. So to help him survive this ordeal I developed this guide. Anyone attempting to visit France should take the following items to make the trip more bearable.
A Crappy Tourist's Guide to Surviving France
Extra deodorant - Having a few dozen deodorant sticks will come in handy to pass out to any smelly Frenchies you come across.
Packs of disposable razors - The last thing you want to do is hook up with some French chick, only to get her naked and see her hairy legs and armpits. And also, French hotels are not necessarrily as clean as we're accustomed to. It's not unheard of to spend the night in a hotel room and wake up with crabs. Which reminds me...
Condoms - Chicks dig guys with foreign accents, and over there, you'll be the one with the foreign accent. Also, French chicks like a good manhandling from an American. They get tired of French men surrendering every time they see a woman with more pubic hair than they have.
Jock strap with a steel-plated cup - Unfortunately, the French men also dig guys with foreign accents. This will help protect you against "accidental" gropage.
Stun gun - Just in case the steel-plated cup doesn't deter them.
French-English dictionary - For any Frenchies you come across who were too lazy to learn to speak English.
Digital cameras - To take to the beaches and get enough pictures to start your own amatuer porn site when you get back.
Earplugs - Listening to Frenchies speaking French all day long can get really annoying.
Enough money to get back - You don't want to get stuck over there.