Things I would like to see changed for future Super Bowls:
1.No more 80-year-old has-beens performing at halftime. Yes, I realize that acts such as Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, and Paul McCartney have sold a shit ton of albums over the course of their illustrious careers. And yes, I even realize that they sell a lot of tickets to their concerts once every five or six years when they're actually healthy enough to tour. But when an artist is selected to play the Super Bowl halftime show, and most of the songs they play are more than twenty years old, it makes you wonder how relevent those artists really are. Does a musical artist have to be eligible for senior discounts to be taken seriously as someone with international appeal? Is there something so terribly wrong with showcasing someone who has had a few #1 hits in the last decade? Would it be too wild and crazy to have someone who can appeal to viewers of diverse age groups, rather than just the 50-dead crowd? When I was younger, I used to assume I wasn't old enough to be part of the Super Bowl's major demographic, but now I'm creeping up on the big 3-0 and I'm still too young to remember the heyday of any of the musicians that play at the Super Bowl. Then again, maybe this just means that in 20 years when I'm watching the Super Bowl with my kids they're going to be forced to sit through 12 minutes of Nine Inch Nails. Okay, maybe not. But I can dream.
2. No more shitty softcore porn wannabe "Go Daddy" commercials. I'm all for hot chicks and fine racks, but I'm a firm believer that there is a time and a place for them, and use of them at the wrong time or place can be awkward, distracting, or even offensive. The "Go Daddy" commercials are all three. They're stupid. They don't tell you anything about the site at all, other than to go there to see boobies. The first problem with this is that anyone who's old enough to see real porn are just going to look at real porn anyway, not just some pictures of hot chicks in bikinis. The second (and biggest) problem with this is that the only people that are going to think "Oh my God, I have to go to that site so I can see that chick's titties!" are going to be kids, and the Super Bowl is not the right place to be advertising skin. The Super Bowl is watched around the world by all age groups. It's simply not appropriate to be showcasing scantily clad women shaking their stuff around and encouraging kids to go to a web site to see even more of the same. It puts parents in an embarassing or awkward position they shouldn't have to be in when watching a football game. I find it amazing that announcers always say "heck" and "darn" because they are striving to be family-friendly, yet it's okay to show commercials with busty women in the shower.
3. No more commercials that try too hard. The problem with the reputation Super Bowl commercials have developed is that people then expect them to be funny, so commercials from unfunny people try to be funny and fail. I would rather have commercials just say what they want to say and shutup than see any more of the endless "swing and a miss" attempts. Every year the writers seem to try harder and harder, yet the commercials get less and less funny. Just give it up. Just do your piece and enjoy the revenue you'll see from your 30-second spot on the Super Bowl that DIDN'T annoy everybody and still got your message across.
4. No more self-serving singers who use the National Anthem to further their own careers. The tradition of singing the anthem before sports games is a beautiful and respectable tradition. The recent trend of singers using that tradition to showcase their own vocal range is disgusting and shameless. Rather than sing it, bow, and get on to the game, singers will drag it out as long as possible by making one syllable words into five syllable words and changing the pitch of their voice eight times per note to show off their vocal chords. They might as well just hold up a sign that says "My name is XXXXXXX and these are the different notes and voice inflections I'm capable of."
5.No more retarded start times. Make it 6:00 or 6:30 or 7:00, not 6:17 or 6:41 or 6:08. That's fucking stupid.
6. Actually start at the time they say they're going to. They've been preparing all year for the game. Shouldn't they be ready to go at the advertised kickoff time? Why at kickoff time were we still listening to the smarmy white jackasses talk about their half-assed opinions instead of watching the game?
7. No more shit about the Punt, Pass, and Kick crap. Nobody cares. And isn't it cruel to include little girls when they will never be able to play real football anyway? Shouldn't they be in the cook, clean and sew competition?