As webmaster of the most important web site in the history of the internet, I naturally get a lot of information first-hand which I happily provide to my beloved readers. Recently my sources have uncovered some new games being brought to you by the makers of Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero. You see, they realized there is a huge market of losers who just want to simulate doing things instead of actually doing them, so they've looked at those people and discovered some other things to design games around. Take a look.
Life of the Party
A game which simulates being at a party. The game is operated by a series of 12 different beer bottles, whose caps are actually buttons that allow you to work the game. By pressing different button combinations, a person can simulate meeting new people, playing strip poker, listening to music with friends, playing a drinking game. and even hooking up with a chick.
Social Life
A game for those people tired of their only friends being either animals or imaginary, Social Life simulates having actual friends and partaking in social interaction. The control board is shaped like an address book, with names on it to symbolize friends. Players accomplish goals by pressing friends' names in sequence. Among the many things you can simulate doing are going to a party, seeing a movie, watching a live band, going to a club, and playing Madden.
Daily Planner
Daily Planner is a game that simulates having a real life. The control board is, you guessed it, a daily planner with buttons that can be pushed to simulate different things that happen in the lives of people who aren't DDR dorks. You can simulate going to the mall to buy a new CD, meeting friends for lunch, getting a paycheck from your job, and even going on a date.
Not a Virgin
In this game players get to simulate actually having sex. The control board is actually a naked female mannequin with buttons on her different body parts which can be pressed in sequence to simulate getting some pootang. Players can work their way up from boning fat chicks with mustaches to more attractive women, to hot celebrities, and even hot Disney chicks.