Ah, summer. The time of year that brings big-time movies to our local theatres, providing hours of enjoyment for summer movie-goers. Unfortunately, this summer will also bring us this crap.
Georgia Rule
2007 Celebrity Whore Champion Lindsay Lohan plays an out-of-control whore. Why they spent millions making this movie instead of simply following her around with a camera is beyond me.
Harry Potter and...
...oh who the hell cares. It's fucking Harry Potter. Next.
Sicko
Once again Michael Moore takes a break from eating Ho-Ho's long enough to make a biased, misleading, and manipulative documentary to try and get a Democrat elected. I think it would insult my intelligence less if the title simply said "Paid for by the Democratic Party."
Surf's Up
A story about penguins. And surfing. Um..........no.
Martian Child
A science fiction writer adopts a kid who thinks he's from Mars. But as they bond, he starts to think that just maybe the boy is telling the truth after all. They should have cast women as the leads so at least Lifetime would be willing to show this crap after everyone hates it.
Hairspray
After his role in The Punisher, I had forgiven John Travolta for all his gay frolicky musicals in his earlier days. But now, he's officially back on my shitlist.
Pirates of the Caribbean : At World's End
The third "Pirates" movie begins where the second left off, spouting crappy pirate jargon and sucking immensely."Arrrgh! I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! I keep getting my ass in trouble and need to get saved by a girl and a closet homosexual! Arrrgh!" The real scary thing about this movie is, Disney has threatened to keep making these crappy movies as long as people are stupid enough to pay to see them.
Rush Hour 3
Speaking of shitty movies with third installments coming out this summer.
Shrek the Third
Once again, bad things happen in threes. Does the plot line for this even matter? Cute, cuddly, adorable animated characters brought to life by has-been celebrities and comedians using the movies to try and resurrect dead or dying careers. And yes, I'm talking about Eddie Murphy.
Halloween
Producer Rob Zombie, who should have just stuck to his music career, didn't want them to tack the "9" onto this next installment of the Halloween franchise because it would make it look like a tired old franchise that no longer means anything. But to be fair, this movie is totally different than the previous eight movies. It explores Michael Myers' troubled past. So instead of killing people, he's killing people and talking about his feelings. Completely different.
Evan Almighty
When a sequel is going to be so shitty, that the star of the original shitty movie turns down millions of dollars to be in that sequel, it should tell you something. Guess not.