people think I would be sexy standing in line with a plunger and mop in my work uniform
A couple days ago, I took a shit for the ages. Upon further reflection, it was probably the single most powerful shit of my life. Not that it was the biggest, per se, it just took the longest to actually get to go down the toilet. I've had some long shits before, I once had one where I was on the toilet for about three hours. Yeah, that sucked. But this one...damn.
So I took my historic shit the other day just before going to bed. At the time, I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary. Just sitting on the toilet with my World of Warcraft strategy guide taking a crap. No big deal. At the time of the shit, I didn't even think it was that big a deal. I thought it had flushed okay, but then again, I didn't watch it because I didn't think it was a big deal.
So the next morning I woke up bright and early for work and went to the bathroom for my daily morning pee. I lifted the toilet and much to my surprise, some of my shit from the night before was still there. So at this point, I figured it was just a two-flusher, no big deal. But then the water level in the toilet kept rising. I watched in horror as my toilet overflowed with shit water. Yeah, nice. Mind you, I didn't have a plunger at the time. Why? Well, I threw my last one out two years ago because it smelled like shit. I hadn't needed one since. I've been crapping in the same toilet for almost two years now and never once clogged it until the other day. So I got my shower and when I stepped out of the shower, the water was back down to the normal level so I figured "Oh, maybe it unclogged." So I flushed again. Again the shit water overflowed.
So by this time I needed to get to work for a ten-hour shift, so I was left with no choice but to leave the shit-water mess in the bathroom and deal with it later. So I went to work. The entire time my toilet was clogged with a bowl (and floor) full of shit water getting more rancid by the minute. Nine-thirty finally came around, so I drove by Meijer on the way home to pick up a nice strong plunger and a mop (I figured I needed an extra one because I planned to throw out my old one after using it to mop up shit water). Do you have any idea how hard it is to not feel like a complete jackass when you're a fat guy standing in line at the store with a plunger and a bucket, while you're still in your work uniform and you smell like a ten-hour restaurant shift? It's pretty hard.
So finally I got home, and the final battle between me and my super-shit for supremacy of my bathroom began. I pulled out my new plunger and I went in. Now, I had to leave my bathroom door closed all day because my cats are just dumb enough to drink the shit water from my bathroom floor. Do you have any idea how awful that smelled, especially considering that some of that had been in there for about twenty hours at this point? I about died just walking in there. So I rolled up my sleeves and plunged as if my life depended on it.
The shit wouldn't budge. I plunged and I plunged and I plunged. I even got a coat hanger and tried to break it apart with that. Nothing. After about twenty minutes of plunging I quit. I took about a fifteen minute break and then tried again. This went on for about four hours. Finally, at about two-thirty in the morning, almost twenty-four hours after after the shit of death escaped my bowels, I vanquished it to the septic tank. I'm so proud of myself.
people think I would be sexy standing in line with a plunger and mop in my work uniform