The answer to the above question is: millions and millions of jackasses who don't realize how fucking stupid they look when they wear Santa hats. Santa hats are retarded. That's just the way it is. I am so fucking tired of going to the mall or to a restaurant or even going to pay my rent and seeing some shithead wearing a Santa hat. Why do so many people think it's cool to wear Santa hats? They're stupid. All they do is make you look like a jolly buttfucking dipshit.
But Randy, you say, how can you be so cynical? This is the time of year for being festive and jolly and happy and spreading the joy of Christmas. Well pardon me asshole, I guess I'm just taking a shit right on your Christmas. I still don't see what is so God damn special about Christmas that it makes everyone act like a dumbass for a solid month. Just how the fuck do Santa hats spread joy and/or Christmas cheer? The only people who think they are cute are those shitheads that run around calling me a dick for not having Christmas spirit, whom I expect are the same people who called me a dick in high school for not having school spirit. So the only thing you accomplish by wearing a Santa hat is making shitheads say "Oh, that's cute" and making me say "Take that stupid hat off you buttfucking retard. You look like an ass."
Santa Claus is a stupid character. What is so cool about a fat old guy who gives presents? Nothing. And who the fuck decided Santa should have a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer? First of all, reindeer don't fly so that is a physical impossibility. They should have at least made it plausible, such as a rocket-propelled sleigh or a sleigh pulled by something that actually flies like eagles or hawks. And why would you pick tiny reindeer to pull your sleigh? Wouldn't you want to pick the biggest motherfuckers you could find? Especially considering the fact that Santa is a lard ass and his sleigh is filled with enough toys to distribute to all the good children of the world. And that's another thing that pisses me off. We teach kids that Santa rewards good children with presents, so children learn that the only reason you have for being a good person is to get a bunch of stupid shit you don't need anyway. So not only are we teaching children to have the attitude that you only do good if there's something in it for you, but we are propagating our bullshit materialist culture. And then, even if your kid has been a hell-raising little shit all year, you still buy him shit he doesn't need. What kind of life lesson is that? This is where Santa Claus is ineffective. Instead of getting your kids to be good by promising toys if they're good, you should get your kids to be good by telling them if they misbehave, they'll get their ass handed to them on a plate. Which of the following do you think would inspire children to behave more?
Santa Claus
or
Rambo Claus
Rambo Claus would kick so much ass. I don't know why nobody has ever made a movie like that. I mean we have Christmas stories with ghosts and pumpkins, why not make a movie about Christmas ass-whoopings? I'd watch that.
dumbasses still think wearing a Santa hat is cool