So my old high school buddy Ben Roethlisberger is apparently getting married in June. No seriously, it's even being reported on NFL.com. See, he's getting married, so he must be a good person now. And totally not a rapist. And the best part is, he and his wife-to-be (who is a physician's assistant) are apparently not living together until they get married because of their religious beliefs. Personally, I'd like to know exactly what religion says you can't live together before you get married, but you can have your way with drunk chicks in the bathroom while your security guards block the door.
Obviously, this situation is just chock full of material, so I decided to challenge myself to come up with a new joke about this situation for ten straight days. I call it the "Rapistberger 10 Jokes in 10 Days Challenge." Creative, I know.
THE RAPISTBERGER 10 JOKES IN 10 DAYS CHALLENGE
JOKE #1:
"It's nice to know you can still meet quality people in hotel rooms and night club bathrooms."
JOKE #2:
"Did this one actually say the word yes, or is he just kind of assuming that's what she wants, whether she knows it or not?"
JOKE #3:
"I wonder which one of them was on their knees when he proposed."
JOKE #4:
"So will his bodyguards be standing outside the church door in case her friends try to help her?"
JOKE #5:
"So how can someone who some women see as a monster be so nice to other women? Simple. He's not bipolar. He's bi-raping " (Oh yes, a Charlie Sheen reference. Oh I went there.)
JOKE #6:
So is the chick going to file for an annulment, claiming she never said she would marry him, only to retract that claim after she gets paid to be quiet...I mean...after she decides the publicity is causing more trouble to her family than it's worth?
JOKE #7:
Did his proposal go "All you bitches wear my wedding rings"?
JOKE #8:
So will the wedding be in Pittsburgh or in the make-believe town Ben made up (Cory-Rawson, Ohio) that he now claims he's from now that our home town completely turned against him because they don't like rapists?
JOKE #9:
I don't know why people would be surprised at Ben getting married this early. He knows he has a lot of work to do if he wants to break Terry Bradshaw's team record.
JOKE #10:
At least he's marrying a physician's assistant, so he won't need to have THAT awkward conversation.
FUCK YEAH! I DID IT! 10 JOKES IN 10 DAYS BITCH!