people thought my taking a dump poem was really deep
What pisses me off the most about poetry is that people just write a bunch of random shit down and then act like they're some kind of God damn intellectual, as though somehow expressing your feelings in the form of a poem makes you more intelligent and more deep than, say, expressing yourself by writing articles on a really shitty web site. I have fuckin eighty-five times the amount of brain activity of the average poet. The difference between myself and a self-proclaimed poet would be, I don't keep up the bullshit pretense of trying to appear intellectual by writing a damn poem.
When I have something to say about something, I turn on the computer, open up my web building software, and I write every last thing that pops into my head until I've said everything I have to say on a subject, or at least everything that comes into my head at the time. What most of you probably don't realize is that there is very little editing that takes place when it comes to the production of my written material. My normal writing process involves sitting down uninterrupted and letting everything that pops into my brain just run right through my fingers and onto the screen. It's almost like my brain is taking an idea dump. After I finish dumping ideas into the article, I read through the article once just to make sure I used the correct word choice and effectively communicated whatever the hell it is I wanted to say, and then I do a spelling and grammar check and I'm done. Very rarely do I take anything out that I've written. And the rare occasions I do it's because I think I made the article too long and wanted to take out some of the unnecessary fluff.
On the other hand, when poets have something to say, they take hours to write it all down and don't show anybody until they think it's perfect. And as you can probably tell, I was one of those kids in school who never ever did a rough draft. I just have an uncanny ability to get it right the first time. That and my writing is art, and you should never fuck with art. Although me rambling about my tiny crooked penis would probably not be seen as art by some people. But hey, poets claim that their random shit is art so I'm going to do the same. Another thing poets like to do that pisses me off is use a lot of big words and talk about their feelings and then pretend that makes them a deep individual. I got news jackass, everyone has feelings. I'm reminded of a time when I heard a song by Simple Plan and I believe the exact line was "Life sucks" and some dumbass said "That's really deep, man, it's like he's expressing my feelings through his music." Yeah, real deep shithead. And the big words just crack me up. It's like if I'm using a two-syllable word and you're using a four-syllable word, that makes you more intelligent and deep than me.
And another thing that pisses me off about people who write poetry are the ass spelonkers who say that poetry is the only way they know how to express themselves. They say that they can't put their feelings into words. News flash asshole, poems are nothing but a collection of words. If you are expressing yourself through poetry, you are expressing yourself through words. There is absolutely no difference in saying the words out loud as they come to you and writing them down and trying to make them sound more sophisticated.
But maybe I'm being too hard on people who indulge in the writing of poetry. Maybe they are in fact more intelligent and deep than the rest of us. I really don't have enough experience at writing poetry to know, so in fairness I think I'm going to try writing a poem about my feelings and see if it makes me sound any deeper or more intelligent. I am going to write about my current feelings, and like a true poet I will be purposefully vague right up until the very end. For dramatic poetic effect you may want to dim the lights and have someone slowly play a solitary drum in the background as you engulf your soul in the blanket of of my deep emotional outpouring, Release.
Release, by Randy
My soul is rent with turmoil, of which I can only whisper
No matter how I try to think of you, my one, my love
My body screams at me, a silent scream in the dark of my dank and gloomy thoughts
The screams permeate through all other thoughts and feelings that attempt to overthrow them
Until all that is left in the gaping vastness of my consciousness is a steady stream of anguished cries
The screams are coming from deep within the recesses of my being
Release, the screams cry, it is release I want and release I must have
If only I were allowed to come forth and escape from this dungeon
I could expel from you all the pain and torment that holds you hostage from all other experience
I have sought to overcome this soul-scarring turmoil with perseverance and strength of will
But my adversary has proven to be too strong for me, a mortal
The God of creation has failed to equip me with the ability to vanquish this intangible foe
Abandoned by my creator, I begin to succumb to the pain that threatens the very fiber of my being
I feel my strength and my very will being tested as never before
Slowly I feel the resistance lessen, as a gate attacked with a battering ram
My supporting fibers are splintered and but one or two more blows will leave me broken
I finally look up and curse the God who left me defenseless against this wretchedness
I have lost the battle against the feces pushing against my sphincter so I must go sit on the toilet in defeat
I am shamed, but in my shame I have also found a calming sense of Release, nursing my soul back from the dead
Damn, that was deep. I was wrong about poetry. I guess writing something in a poem does make you more of an intellectual. I stand corrected.
people thought my taking a dump poem was really deep