I never thought it would happen. Paris Hilton, rich celebrity darling, is in jail. As you've probably all heard by now, Miss Spoiled Whore was arrested recently for a DUI when she just happened to already be on probation.
The twist came when a local sheriff who was clearly after pootang allowed Miss Spoiled Brat to return to her home and serve jail time cooped up in her multi-million dollar mansion with luxuries most small countries can't afford. The justification was that Miss Slut had an "undisclosed medical condition" they would be unable to care for at the prison. Of course, that could be describing any of the plethora of fun things running around in her vagina waiting for someone to come along and infect. Apparently, the sherrif didn't think they had anything for herpes outbreaks at the prison, so he took it upon himself to ignore the judge's orders and let her go home to her mansion for a glorified timeout.
Until yesterday, when Miss Bitch was scheduled a court hearing to make a ruling on whether or not the prison could adequately take care of her and her vagina termites...for which she didn't show up. Apparently, she thought she could attend her court date via telephone. Thankfully, the judge presiding wasn't amused and had her immediately arrested and brought to the courthouse in the back of a police car, where she cried like a spoiled little bitch the entire way.
As the drama unfolded, the presiding judge was clearly unimpressed by the Hilton-sponsored team of lawyers, and endless bawling and crying for her Mommy by the once-glamorous and adored poster child for materialism and trust-fund-subsidized irresponsibility. As the judge made his final ruling that the celebrity darling would indeed be spending her remaining sentence behind bars, the fallen starlet made one last lunge for Mommy, only to have her ass hauled out the door and off to prison like any other criminal. On this day, the rich, famous, pretty white girl was given the same respect by the legal system as the poorest criminal from the streets of inner-city Detroit. It was a glorious day for justice, our society, and humanity as a whole.
In the end, she's only going to be in prison about a month, and they'll probably have her secluded without even so much as a cellmate. But on Friday, June 8, 2007, Paris Hilton was hauled away to prison in a police car as she was crying and screaming for her Mommy, because for once, an untouchable was held accountable for her actions. And that's good enough for me.