people think I couldn't possibly get any more awesome than I already am
The other day I was sitting around thinking to myself. I said "If I was a hippie and I thought New Year's resolutions were a good idea, what would I want to change about myself. Even though I think New Year's resolutions are absolute bullshit I still agree that a good, honest, self-critique every once in a while is a good thing. It helps you become more like the person you want to be. So I thought about what I would change about myself. It was a difficult decision because a lot of the goals most people set for themselves don't really apply to me or I don't value whatever goal it is they're trying to achieve. I don't drink alcohol or smoke so I can't make it a goal to eliminate either of those. I don't gamble or solicit prostitution or have any other habits some people might consider bad. I am overweight but I'm comfortable with myself as I am so that isn't a huge issue for me at this point. I do cuss a lot, but I'm not embarrassed of that habit and I think I use cussing in ways that make other people laugh (such as this web site). I do get irritated at a lot of things, but once again I use that to my advantage (such as this web site) so I'm okay with myself there. I'm engaged so I wouldn't be setting a goal for my love life. I've already graduated so no school-related goals. And then I was thinking about what I could change about myself to be more happy with myself. That's when I decided on my New Year's resolution.
This year my New Year's resolution is not do anything differently. Not one damn thing. You see, I'm fuckin cool. I am exactly the kind of person I wanted to be when I was growing up. Maybe a little poorer, but other than that I'm very happy with the way I turned out. And when I think about it, as cool as I am, it's going to be really hard to keep up with the standard of awesomeness I have set. I just keep raising the bar. I mean I have this awesome web site where I can talk about literally whatever the fuck I want and people are reading it. I can talk about how I just farted and people will read it. That is fuckin cool. And frankly I don't know if I could do anything in the coming year to top acrappywebsite.com, my life's crowning achievement so far. I have to admit, I am one very funny guy, and I have a lot of unique ideas too, and I think people appreciate that, and I'm very grateful for that. So I guess I don't know what else I could do to make my life more satisfying. Except for keeping up the good work and building up my web site. And I'm working on that.
Oh yeah, I would like my penis to not be small and shaped like this
)
but frankly I don't think there's anything I can do about that. Maybe that will be my resolution. To invent something that straightens out my penis. That's a good idea.
people think I couldn't possibly get any more awesome than I already am