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Ben Stiller is a douche and he isn't funny. Simple as that. I have never seen a Ben Stiller movie that didn't make me want to vomit profusely. He isn't funny, yet I somehow always get roped into seeing his shitty movies because my friends want to see them and they hog tie me and drag me into the theatre with them. In his latest shitty movie, Ben Stiller reprises his role in Meet the Parents, which was a shitty movie that came out about four years ago that my dumbass friends actually thought was funny. I was a freshman in college and it seemed like everyone on my whole dorm floor was talking about that God damn movie. I vowed never to see it, but then one night I was out with friends and every other person wanted to see Meet the Parents. I was outvoted and shit out of luck. For the next hour and a half I tried desperately to commit suicide by punching myself in the face until my skull cracked, but it was all in vain. In the end it was me, Ben Stiller and a couple hundred shitheads laughing like jackasses. It was one of those times when I could understand why somebody would want to walk into a mall and gun everybody down.

One of the things that was supposedly most funny about this was Stiller's name in the movie. Gaylord Focker. First of all, coming up with a name that sounds funny does not make for a funny joke in a movie. Things like that are only funny in real life. For example, I once met a girl in real life named Shithead. She swore it was pronounced "Shi-theed" but it was spelled "Shithead." Now in real life, that was fucking funny. But if some dumbass named a movie character Shithead, and I'd never heard of that as an actual name before, it just wouldn't be funny. Giving a character a funny sounding name is the second lowest form of humor there is, only ahead of having a character ask what the number is for 911. It's amazing that as long as that joke hasn't been funny, there are still assholes who try to pull that off. And besides, Gaylord Focker is not a funny name. It's just a stupid name. Focker is a name they just made up for the movie. I could make a movie character whose last name was Shite. Is that funny? No, it isn't funny, and neither is Focker. But every single day after that movie came out this dipshit that lived in the room next to me would repeat the line from the movie "You're name is Gay Focker?" and then laugh hysterically. He would even call people Gay Focker as an insult. He would say "Go away, Gay Focker." IT ISN'T FUNNY ASSHOLE! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I don't even remember any of the other specific jokes, other than the fact they were all unoriginal recycled jokes from other shitty movies and shitty sitcoms. Oh yeah, and we can't forget how he bungled his way through the movie, completely destroying his girlfriend's sister's wedding, with alledgedly hilarious results. I haven't laughed that hard since the last time I watched Home Improvement. It was almost as predictable and stupid. Everybody always knew it was coming and everybody (except me) still laughed like a fucking idiot anyway when he ruined something else. God I hated that fucking movie.

Oh and then they decided to add Barbara Streissand to the mix. Barbara Streissand? Who the fuck keeps giving that old bitch movie roles? God dammit I hate Barbara Streissand. Her nose makes me paranoid. Here is a copy of the synopsis of this laugh-fest from meetthefockers.com:

"Now that Greg Focker (Stiller) is "in" with his soon-to-be in-laws, Jack (De Niro) and Dina (Danner) Byrnes, it looks like smooth sailing for him and his fiancée, Pam (Polo). But that's before Pam's parents meet Greg's parents, Bernie and Roz Focker (Hoffman and Streisand). The hyper-relaxed Fockers and the tightly-wound Byrneses are woefully mismatched from the start, and no matter how hard Greg and Pam try, there is just no bringing their families together-which all adds up to a disastrously funny time of "getting to know you." "

Disastrously funny? Does that say disastrously funny? The only disaster about this whole thing is that this piece of shit got made and now it's going to be released into the world, and there isn't one God damn funny thing about that. Not one mother fucking thing. God I hate Ben Stiller. Fuck Ben Stiller. Fuck him and his shitty movies in the ass.

crap from 2004