I wish I was Kevin Federline. There, I said it. Kevin Federline is quite possibly the single luckiest son of a bitch walking the face of this planet. Think about it. He's rich and famous without doing anything to earn it, other than fucking Britney Spears. As though fucking Britney Spears weren't reward enough, he's gotten rich and famous by doing it. And not just fucking her once, fucking her on a regular basis. Me, if I'd ever once had the opportunity to hit that shit I'd have died a happy man. He on the other hand is hitting it all the time and gets to mooch her money and fame, too. It's sickening. See, I'm not like most guys who would have a problem mooching off their woman's success. I would be totally happy as a shameless mooch, and I'd probably brag about what a shameless mooch I was, too. This asshole is living my dream. He gets all her money. He has ridden her coattails to fame. He gets to be a jackass on TV and people actually pretend to take him seriously just because of who he's fucking. I mean look at this fucking guy:
Look at that. He couldn't look like any more of a dumbass if he held up a sign that said "HEY EVERYONE! I'M A FUCKIN' MORON!" This is "K-Fed", as he has gotten people to refer to him by (with a straight face no less), rapping at the recent Teen Choice Awards. There are so many things wrong with that sentence I don't know where to start. I guess I'll go in order of appearance. K-Fed? What the fuck? Like he needed to whiggify his name so we take him even less seriously. Like he was worried that if he went by Kevin Federline we could see him rapping like a jackass on TV and not laugh at him. K-Fed? Doesn't he feel like an asshole having people call him that? Then he was rapping. When the fuck are people going to figure out that white guys can't rap. It's okay. There's some things we just can't do, and rapping is one of them, and anyone who tries to prove otherwise is a dumbass. And the Teen Choice Awards? Isn't that kind of like admitting to the world that nobody who listens to your shit has hit puberty? And how the fuck did he even get invited to "perform" at any kind of awards ceremony in the first place? Were all the real celebrities booked that day? And what it is with people who are celebrities in one right thinking they can do anything and people will buy it? This jackass is a celebrity by virtue of fucking Britney Spears, so he thinks he can rap. Paris Hilton is a celebrity for being a rich whore, so she thinks people want to listen to her shit, too. Just because you happen to be famous doesn't mean you have talent and it damn sure doesn't mean you should make a fucking CD and try to pass it off as music.
I'd feel better about it if he had more, hell, ANY talent of his own, but he doesn't. None. The only thing he's good at is being a whigger and a jackass, and he's rewarded for it with money, fame, and people pretending to respect him, despite his overwhelming stupidity. That's quite a racket he's got going. I think more super-hot celebrities need to lose all semblance of taste and marry undesirable jackasses. And by that I mean I'm pissed that no gorgeous fantasy celebrity chicks want to shack up with me and share their money without me having to do anything to actually earn it. Actually I'd just be content with getting a bunch of money without having to earn it. I'm not like those fags with work ethic who want to earn their money. I just want to sit on my ass all day playing video games and be well compensated for it. Is that too much to ask?