Marc writes:
Hey, my name is Marc, and I am a fan of your site. I think you have a solid stance on alot of issues, and I have told alot of my friends to check out the site. I had a question about college..Im 18 years old, worked a few jobs, but currently unemployed. Do you really think college is a waste of time? I'm not good at math, so it appears to be so..I have a solid understanding of the English language, and I'm good with words, but that's about it..And I can't stand trying to go for a bachelor's degree but having to take math classes even when my major is English. Currently I live at home, and I'm fed up with my parents restrictions, so I guess it's time to get out and get something, make the money. My parents are willing to pay for my college, and I can re enroll soon, the semester is almost over, almost time to pick classes. Is college worth the people you will meet, because that's the main reason why i wanted to go. I am looking for a girl I can fall in love with, and I just don't see how I can meet her in this small town..how did you meet your girl? All my relationships haven't really worked out so far. Is college worth it? A community college is where I was going, and was on the transfer program to take 2 years there, and 2 years at UNCW. Time is flying by so fast its scaring me. I will be sure to take your advice as only advice and not go out and make any drastic decisions, but I really would like your opinion because we feel similar on many issues. Also, do you have any other life tips? Would really help me out, I have like no direction or drive at the moment because I'm confused as to what to do...
Thanks mate,
Marc
Marc, first of all, let me apologize for the delayed response to your email. When I got your email, I wasn't quite sure how to answer it immediately and I wanted to make sure to give it some serious consideration before making a reply. I'm not used to getting serious questions from readers (not that's serious questions are a bad thing) so I wanted to make sure I gave a good one rather than my usual half-assed comic responses to the usual half-assed comic questions I get.
When it comes to college being a waste, which seems to be your primary concern, it isn't a waste for ALL people, but it definitely is for some. When I was in high school, I was in a lot of Honors/Advanced Placement classes and the teachers and counselors always told us that college was your gateway to a good job and the first step on the ladder of success. It didn't quite work out that way for me. Here are some of the discrepancies between what they tell you about college when you're in high school, and how things really are.
A college degree will get you a good job. A college degree will get you a good job in the same way being a boy will get you a good girlfriend. You see, most girls (straight girls) do require that as a qualification for dating consideration, potential partners be male (obviously). So, being male will meet one requirement they're looking for. However, there's so much more to it than what parts you have. Girls also look at your personality, compatability, age, lifestyle, sense of humor, etc. Likewise, employers today are looking for so much more than just a college education. A college degree may be a minimum requirement for many jobs, but it is far from the golden ticket we are led to believe. So many people go to college now that you have to have more than just a degree to compete in the job market. Experience is the number one hangup for recent college grads (like myself) in trying to get a job, especially in any business-related field (like marketing, my major). Basically, our society has gotten to the point that a college degree is the new high school diploma. So many people have them that they don't make you stand out anymore.
Go to college right out of high school, even if you aren't sure what you want to do. This is a BIG mistake that a ton of people make. We're led to believe that if you don't go immediately, you'll never go, so you should just go and make up your mind on your major during your first year. When I graduated with my Bachelor's of Marketing, I was 22 and I was usually one of the younger ones in my classes. Do you know why that is? Because people didn't know what the hell they wanted to do with their lives right out of high school. And you know what else? That's ok. It's ok at 18 years old not to know exactly what you want to do for the next 40 years of your life. And if you're one of the many people who don't know, but still go to college anyway, do you know what happens? You could decide you hate college and drop out, which ends up being a waste of money. You could switch majors a few times, and believe me, the expense of changing majors is substantial. A lot of people just default to whatever subject they were best at in high school, and then they're miserable because they hate it. It wasn't what they wanted to do, it's what they thought they'd be good at. When you aren't sure what you want to do with your life, the very worst thing you can do is to dump a ton of money into college, when much of it will just end up as a waste. By all means, take some time to figure out what it is you want to do with your life. Get a job in the meantime, save up some money, and then if you decide you do want to go to college, then you'll have some money saved up, you'll be less likely to waste money on dropping out, changing majors, etc. and you'll be happier with your decision because it's one you're confident with. Another benefit of waiting is that with getting older, you'll advance in maturity and you'll take your schoolwork more seriously, hence you'll get more out of it. In the course of earning my four-year degree, I only had one class that I went to every single day. That was my Nonwestern religions class. The reason I went to that class every day was because I found it so interesting. The other ones, I just either found the classes too easy or I just didn't care. I didn't have the maturity to stick with something like that, and on top of it, I wasn't very excited about what I was getting myself into anyway.That's a sad way to live. If you're going to spend a ton of money on college, you'd better make it for something you'll enjoy, because if you hate what you go to college for, what was the point? You don't need a college degree to get a job you hate. You can get a job you hate at sixteen years old.
Don't let money be a factor. This is for people with rich parents, plain and simple. For the rest of us, money is a factor. It's a fact of life. Anyone who says money isn't important or shouldn't be a factor in what you do is either independently wealthy, or a fucking idiot. In any case, they've obviously never had to worry about whether or not they were going to be able to pay the rent that month. Like it or not, the truth is, money is a factor, and college is a good way to find yourself starting out your adult life in debt. Unless your parents pay for everything or you have a full scholarship, the only thing you are guaranteed to get from college is debt. A lot of people regret going to those 20k a year schools once they start paying back student loans. I always recommend (if it's a possibility) getting your first two years at a community college. It's so much cheaper that way. Also I strongly recommend looking into state schools rather than private schools. You can get a good education at a state school for about half the price of a private school. And believe me, when it comes time to pay the piper, these things make a big difference to your checkbook.
All majors are created equal. Some majors are DEFINATELY better than others as far as post-graduation job prospects go. The best majors are ones that give you experience as part of your education. The ones I usually point to as examples are nursing and teaching, where much of the last part of your education is actually doing what you've been taught in a real work environment. Tech schools are very good at this as well. I remember all the "smart" kids making fun of all the auto shop kids in high school, but you know what? They went to school and learned a tangible skill they can now write down on a resume that means a lot more than a degree. If you can show a potential employer that you can weld, or wire a house, or fix a car, that can go a long way in getting you a job.
Well, that's it for the economic side of college. Looking at the social side, which you also asked about, college does give you a lot of opportunities to meet new people, but it's not the only way to meet new people. At colleges, you can meet people through classes, campus housing, clubs, intramural sports teams, fitness centers, and parties if any of that is your kind of thing. However, I wouldn't go to college just for the social aspect because it's a very expensive way to meet people. It is possible to mingle with college crowds, without actually being a student at a college. Some college clubs and intramural sports teams don't require you to actually be a student of the college to be involved. For example, when I was in high school I was a DJ at a local college radio station, even though I wasn't a student there. I met some people with similar interests and made a few friends there. Like I said, some schools have intramural sports teams that don't require you to be a student to play. That's another good way to meet people if you are into that kind of thing. A lot of parties on school campus housing are available to non-students as well. Of course, it helps to at least have a friend or two at the school to tell you when the parties are, but in many cases on weekends you can find practically entire blocks of apartments housed with students with open doors and people everywhere. Just go, seek out some people who may not look like they know too many people either and introduce yourself. You sound like you may be kind of a shy person (but maybe not, I don't know you personally) but even if you are, it's amazing what you can bullshit yourself into doing. Let's say you see a girl at a party and you'd like to say hi but you're not very good in that kind of situation. Just remember, all it takes is ten seconds of courage. You can be shy the other 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 50 seconds of the day just so long as you force yourself for ten seconds to go over and say hi. If she seems receptive, just start talking about anything that pops into your head (except probably things you'd like to do to her). If she isn't interested, you've only really lost those ten seconds.
Another way to liven up your social life would be getting a job. It seems like you've been in a bit of a rut and a lot of times new jobs can help people get out of ruts. You'll be making money, which is always good. You'll meet new people, so it can be a kick-start to a social life. And if you make some friends at a new job and you start hanging out, then you can meet some of their friends too and you never know who you might meet. My fiance and I met through friends. It wasn't at college, but if I hadn't come down here to go to school, I never would have met her, so in that regard I don't consider college a waste because it got me my best friend and the woman who's going to be at my side through the rest of our lives, which is the most important thing you can find in life. Good times and bad are both much better if you have that person standing at your side holding your hand throughout.
You asked if I had any other general advice on life for you. I have to say I'm flattered. I never thought that writing for my shitty web site would get people to value my opinion so highly as to ask me serious questions like these. Basically from reading your email, as I said earlier, you seem to be in a rut right now. The most important thing to remember is that ruts are temporary. They happen to the best of us. The only thing you can really do is do your best to work your way out. As I said, I think getting a job would help for a few reasons. Getting out more is always a good thing in these situations. I remember the last time I really felt in a serious rut was about three years ago, and what started me on the way back up was when I took the initiative to kick-start my social life. I hadn't been doing much socially with friends, and I decided to take it upon myself to change that. When I had a day off work, instead of sitting at home playing Madden, I would get on the phone and see if anyone was available to hang out, even if it was just coming back to my apartment to have somebody playing Madden with me. I would invite people over to my apartment from work. I made a lot of good friends in that time because I forced myself to take those first, awkward steps at resurrecting my social life.
As far as college goes, it doesn't sound to me like you're ready for it. You just don't seem like you know what you want to do at this point. And as I said before, that's ok. You're 18, it's expected of you not to know exactly what you want out of life at such a young age. I'm 24 and I'm still figuring out exactly what I want to do and where I want to go from here. You've got a lot of time. I would suggest taking your time to figure out what it is you want to do with your life before making any long-term commitments like college. There's nothing wrong with taking some time off between high school and college, making a little money, and making a decision when you're good and ready. It's your life, and you're the one who has to live with whatever decision you make, so make it a good one.
Lastly my advice to you would be to do what I always do whenever I feel I'm in a rut. Honestly, I try to do this periodically, regardless of how my life is going. Ask yourself these three questions:
Who am I? (Yourself)
Who do I want to be? (Your perfect self)
What can I do to get from who I am to who I want to be? (The reconciliation of the two)
These, in my humble opinion, are the three most important questions we can ever ask in life, yet they are the three questions people seem most unwilling to ask. Why is that? I think the answer lies in the natural human inclination of people to view themselves as infallible. Let's face it, nobody wants to admit that we don't make mistakes, or that we aren't as good of a person as we could be, or we want to be. If most people were to ask themselves these questions; their immediate response would be that they are exactly who they want to be, and therefore they don't need to do anything. These people are only fooling themselves. Nobody, if judging themselves fairly and honestly, can say that they are exactly as they want themselves to be 100% of the time. We all have our faults and those things we'd like to do better. But the bane and the beauty of being human is that we are all works in progress. We will never be perfect, yet we can always improve on what we are.
In answering the first question, I always recall the advice of Lama Surya Das, one of the leading Western experts on Buddhism, in his book "Awakening the Buddha Within." He says that when viewing oneself, you must avoid the trap of viewing yourself and your actions through your own perspective. Instead, try looking at your life as though you were watching a movie, where you get an objective view of your actions and attitudes from ALL perspectives. We would all like to think of ourselves as the permanent protagonist in our own personal movies, but the fact is, sometimes you're not. Sometimes you're the antagonist. Sometimes you're the instigator. Sometimes you're that nosy neighbor everyone wishes would mind their own affairs. The point is, when trying to figure out who you are, you need to be completely honest with yourself. Otherwise you'll never grow as a person, It never hurts to get the opinions of others on you when doing a self-examination like this. And be prepared, because the first time you look at yourself as you really are, it hurts, because we all see things about ourselves that we don't like, if we are truly honest.
Answering the second question is much easier. Once you've examined yourself and seen all your faults and flaws, it's simple to see what you would like to change. You can then see your perfect self, or the self you would like to see when you do a self-examination. Many people see themselves as their perfect selves, regardless of the reality, but this only hurts them.
In the third question, you look at ways to reconcile the two. Look for ways you can improve yourself to become more like your perfect self. Look for habits you can break, attitudes and opinions you can change. Get feedback from others. And always, monitor your own actions for improvement.
Well Marc, I hope this helps. Again, I apologize for the delayed response to your email, but as I said, I wanted to make sure it got the considered response it deserves. This ended up being quite a long reply so if you finished it all without getting bored, my hat's off to you. I hope you take what you can from my advice and I wish you luck in the decisions you make.
randy
Editor's Note: Reading through this almost six years after it was originally written, I would like to add something of a P.S. to the general "Is college a waste" question now that I have six more years of life experience from which to draw. My first few years out of college I was rather bitter about the fact that I got myself up to my ass in debt for college only to be stuck at the same job I had in high school because employers were far more concerned with my lack of experience than my college degree.
However, one very invaluable thing I learned from my schooling was how to think like someone in business. I learned to notice things most other people don't and that has helped me immeasurably in my working life. It helped me in my ears as a restaurant manager and it's helping me now in my new job at the tractor trailer refurbishment business my father-in-law brought me aboard for last summer. I actually wrote the initial business plan that led to the quarter million dollar loan we received to open the doors, and I don't know that I would've been prepared for that without my college education. I've also done a lot of marketing and HR duties that my education helped prepare me for as well. So while my college education didn't lead to my current job, per se, it has definitely helped me in that job.
However, another thing I have learned is that as far as employers are concerned, a year of experience is worth more than two years of education, so I would strongly suggest looking for internships, trade skill programs, or even programs that push you into your chosen field (such as nursing or teaching).