I hate assholes who...
...wear black socks with shorts
...wear socks with sandals.
...wear sandals.
...wear visors upside-down and turned to the side.
...dress like black kids from Compton instead of the white kids from the suburbs they really are.
...park their cars all the way at the back of the parking lot because they assume somebody is going to hit it.
...spend more "pimping" their car than they spent buying it.
...act like having their music up louder than yours makes them cool.
...act like them getting to the stoplight two seconds faster than you do makes them cool.
...glare at you for going the speed limit as they pass you to assert their dominance.
...have a nickname for their penis.
...call their penis "the family jewels."
...brag about the size of their penis when everyone knows it means they have a pinky-dick.
...brag about stupid shit like video game expertise to compensate for their pinky-dick.
...brag about how much they drink or how drunk they get.
...use the words "we", "us", or "our" when talking about a sports team with which they have no affiliation other than watching them on TV.
... use terms from one sport to talk about another sport, such as describing a running back who scores a lot of touchdowns as a "home run threat."
... babble about their political opinions they memorized from Fox News as though they came up with it all themselves.
...babble about very common observations as though they came up with it themselves, such as Valentine's Day being a Hallmark holiday.
...display opinionated bumper stickers as though anyone but them gives a shit. "I think therefore I am prolife/pro-choice/atheist/Christian" etc.
...display "My kid just beat your honor student" bumper stickers. I mean really, why is having a violent kid with shitty grades something to be proud of?
...say "you can't judge a book by its' cover when everyone makes judgements about things all the time based on pre-conceived notions.
...try to make themselves sound smarter by using longer words or phrases such as saying "in point of fact" instead of saying "in fact."
...try to make themselves sound smarter by using the word "an" instead of "a" in front of words that begin with the letter h.
...use words that don't actually exist such as "resiliency" and "unappropriate."
...use the phrase "for free" when the word free means "without cost" so what they're really saying is "for without cost."
...try to make themselves look smarter by spelling things the British way such as "armour," "colour," or "centre."
...insult people's intelligence based on one word they misspelled out of 10,000 they wrote.
...order wine when everyone else in the group is having beer.
...go to a buffet for dinner and have one plate.
...ever use the words "calorie", "carb", or "saturated fat" in conversation.
...take a shit in my bathroom and then don't turn the fan on because she thinks if I don't hear the fan I won't notice she took a shit because I was busy playing World of Warcraft so I won't make fun of her for taking a shit because it's un-lady-like but then I have to take a shit so I go in there and it smells like shit and I have to smell it and it makes it impossible for me to enjoy relaxing and reading my book while I take my shit or I end up smelling it anyway because it reaches all the way out here because it isn't like her shit smells like roses and cinnamon buns.