* Is it just me, or do you ever find yourself fully aroused after watching a Disney movie? Let me tell you, some of the chicks in Disney movies are seriously hot. I wish women in real life were that hot. I don't think I have ever seen a chick in a Disney movie that I did nor want to have wild sex with. Except for maybe Snow White, she kind of freaked me out. I always thought she looked like a heroine addict. Kind of like an animated Courtney Love with black hair. I have decided to highlight the five most doable Disney chicks of all time and tell you just why I think they're so hot.
5. Jasmine
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Jasmine was originally seen in the Aladdin movie and as you can see here, doesn't wear a full top. I have a theory on why Disney chicks are so hot. I think Disney wanted to make the movie appealing to all members of the family. You see, if they parade Jasmine here around without a real top on, then Dad wants to go see the movie with Mom and the kids. I know I would. Although I would have to restrain myself from touching myself while the kids were looking. Her hair is a little long and freaky, but I spend all my time looking at her cleavage, which is why Jasmine makes this list of hottest Disney chicks ever.
4. Cinderella
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Cinderella is hot. Frankly I actually thought she was even hotter when she was wearing her ragged clothes before she went to the ball. I thought they left less to the imagination. Plus I like watching women do housework. In the movie, when the prince needed to put her glass slipper on to see if she was the one he had danced with at the ball, I wanted to scream. How in the hell could he not remember what she looked like? I realize she was now wearing her rags instead of her gown, but still, she's freakin hot. I know if I was hanging around with someone as hot as Cinderella all night I would remember what the hell she looked like.
3. Pocahontas
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Is it too much to hope that Indian women actually did dress like that? I've heard that in real life Pocahontas was actually quite ugly and fat and that Disney took a few creative liberties in making her the gorgeous sex object they did. Well thank God they did because damn. I mean look at her. Pocahontas is actually the only Disney chick I have ever had a sex dream about. It wasn't your normal sex dream. I remember being in a spaceship and I had to rescue Pocahontas from her alien captors. So I took my space cruiser to the planet where she was being held captive and beat the shit out of her captors. Pocahontas was so grateful that she gave me road head while I was driving the spaceship back to Earth. Once we were back to earth we did some very very dirty things. If only Pocahontas knew some of the dirty things she did to me she would be ashamed to show her face in a children's movie. At least until after she cleaned up. And then, just as she was about to thank me for the seventh time, my alarm went off and I woke up with the most serious case of morning wood I've ever had. I was so fucking pissed off. Here I'd just been screwing the hell out of Pocahontas and my alarm goes off because I needed to leave for Accounting. God dammit.
2. Belle
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Belle, from the movie Beauty and the Beast, very nearly took first in my prestigious "Hottest Disney Chick Ever" analysis. This movie didn't come out until well after I was past the age of watching Disney movies, but I watched the whole thing just because Belle is so fucking hot. I wanted to kick The Beast's ass. I mean what the fuck. I am much better looking than him, and he was nailing her. I don't remember much of the plot, probably because I was staring at Belle's boobs the entire time. With the exception of the number one finisher in this article, I have never seen a rack that I like more than Belle's. There were a few times I found my hands moving toward the screen because I guess I was subconsciously trying to grab her boobs. She had a really nice ass too. You can't tell it from the picture above because she's wearing that dress, but her ass was just begging to be slapped. I think it's safe to say that if I was the Beast in this movie, I would have never left the bedroom.
1. Ariel
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The star of The Little Mermaid gets the nod as the hottest Disney chick ever. I remember when I saw The Little Mermaid for the first time in the theatre. Ariel first introduced me to boobs, and I love her for it. When she first came onto the screen and I saw that cleavage, I didn't know what the hell it was, but I knew I liked what I saw. I mean damn. If she were wearing any less clothing, it would be considered pornographic. And whose idea was the seashell bra? Whoever had that idea is a God damn genius and I would like to shake their hand. I'm thinking about buying a seashell bra for my fiance. Or five. Those things are fucking hot. Another thing that makes Ariel stunning is her hair. It's been my experience that red hair just accentuates the looks you have. Red hair on ugly girls makes them look uglier, but red hair on hot girls, like Ariel, makes them boner-inducing. And let's talk about her boobs a little more. I can't get enough of her boobs. I'm going to scroll back up and look at those boobs for a couple minutes.
Okay, I'm back after a short hiatus of staring at Ariel's cleavage and touching myself. God are those the greatest boobs you've ever seen or what? I mean just look at them, they're perfect in every possible way. They're big, they're the perfect shape, they're not saggy, they're just the most perfect pair of boobs I've ever seen. God, they don't make them like that anymore. And if you think I'm obsessing about her boobs, I'm not the only one. I found this picture of Ariel and her fish friend Flounder. Note the expression on his face and the direction his eyes are looking.
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You see, he likes boobies too. I think the awestruck look on his face is that he just can't believe how God damn perfect those boobs are. And damn that seashell bra is hot. The shells actually look like four fingers reaching around from behind to grab her boobs. That's what I would do if I was hanging out with the Little Mermaid. Just grab her boobs. That fish is one lucky son of a bitch. He and that damn lobster got to hang out with her and stare at her rack all day long. Why they never made a move on her and her sweet, yummy rack is beyond me. I sure would have.
* All artwork on this page is Disney material and all characters featured are registered characters of Disney.
people think Belle should have been number one