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I was working today and saw someone I went to school with. We were both business students and I hadn't seen her since graduating last summer. Let's just say she got a couple of new additions over the last eight months. The kind you have to pay for.

The first thing I noticed when she came in was her boobs. There, I said it. I'm a pervert, so sue me. You couldn't miss them, though, they were fucking huge. They were probably half the size of her head. You may not believe it, but I'm serious, these were some outrageously huge boobs. So after breaking myself away from the mesmerizing spell boobs put on me, I moved my gaze up six inches and saw her face. It was a girl I had gone to school with. This had me confused at first because she was never what you would call "big" that I can remember. As a matter of fact, the last time I saw her last June, I probably had bigger titties than her. Well not today. Her boobs had multiplied in size by a factor of about eight. It was the God damnedest thing I'd ever seen.

At first I couldn't figure it out. She had gained a little weight, but not nearly enough to justify the vast difference in boob size. One of my coworkers thought she was pregnant because she has a huge beer belly, but even that I thought didn't explain it. And then it hit me. She got a boob job. That was eleven hours ago and I still haven't stopped laughing.

I've heard a few girls I've known over the years joke about getting breast implants, but I had never before seen anyone actually go through with it, and it was the funniest God damn thing. I think what makes it so fucking funny is how obnoxiously large they were. I mean if I was a chick, and I was going to get a boob job, I would at least make it believable. If I was shopping for boobs I would probably go with a C, maybe a D if I felt really ambitious, but these fakes were at least a DD or maybe an E. You can think I'm fucking with you all you want, but I swear to God, they were fucking huge. I mean this chick broke the bank (and probably her back eventually from carrying them around) on this pair. These were some very very big ass titties. I can't imagine wanting to get anything that big put on your chest. That's gotta hurt. And why would you put yourself through that kind of embarrassment? I mean what happens when one day you go see your parents or friends and all of a sudden you went from an A cup to an E? How the hell would you deal with that? I mean it isn't like people just aren't going to notice, you want them to, that's why you get the operation in the first damn place. I couldn't take all the stares. Although this chick is basically a bar whore so maybe she wants people to stare, I don't know. It's probably just some big scheme to try and draw attention away from her enormous beer gut and the fact that she has one of the most annoying, high-pitched voices I've ever heard.

Then I was thinking, do you know how big the operation scar would have to be for those monsters? Jesus Christ, it's gotta be a foot long. That's gotta be so fucking gross. Or if the boobs are just some freak result of either getting fat or pregnant (though I'd bet anything it isn't) then that means they grew all that size by themselves in about eight months, and that means stretch marks. Jesus, if those are real, her boobs have to look like a fucking spider web with the kind of stretch marks those would make. Either way it has to be fucking gross.

Don't get me wrong, I love titties as much as the next guy (see my tribute to boobs), but there is such a thing as too big, and it's a lot better to have smaller, not disgusting boobs than to have back-breakers with nasty stretch marks or a big scar.

That reminds me, the first nudie magazine I ever bought was a Perfect 10. Some of you may know this already, but their "claim to fame" is that all of their models have natural breasts, no implants. Bullshit. I know for a fact that they aren't all natural because there was one where you could clearly see the scar. You'd think they would at least airbrush that out, if for no other reason than for them to not look like hypocrites. Oh yeah, and there was this really freaky foreign chick who had nipples the size of coffee cups. They were fucking huge. Really gross. Yeah, I never bought a Perfect 10 again. Too soft-core, too many foreign chicks, too many freaky nipples, and too low quality. I much prefer either Hustler or Playboy. Playboy has much hotter models, but the ones in Hustler are so much sluttier.

But back to bar whores and fake titties. So yeah, this chick probably goes bar-hopping and wears really tight and revealing shirts, and the guys who take her home think they're getting this really sweet rack, and then she takes her shirt off and there's a big fuckin scar. That would be quite a mood-killer. Nothing takes away a boner quicker than nasty boobs. That and this chick has a pretty huge beer belly too. She can't possibly look good naked. Not that I'm Fabio myself, but at least I'm in proportion. It's weird as hell because she isn't really fat anywhere but her stomach, so if you look at her from the side, she looks kind of like a normal person with a bowling ball sitting in the front of her shirt and two watermelons stuck to her chest. What a fuckin waste of money. That dumb whore.

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