Something recently occurred to me. My web site isn't extreme enough. I mean being extreme is all the rage and I'm really missing out. You see, in our culture, we apparently want to emulate skaters. The funny thing about that is that all you really have to do to emulate skaters is drop out of school, listen to shitty imitation punk music, and do a lot of drugs. But my personal opinions aside, people in this country seem to respond well to the whole idea of something being "extreme." I mean people must respond well to it, because everything is "extreme" now. We have "extreme" sports, drinks, snacks, movies, and even "extreme" ice cream. Now when you look at this cultural phenomen, and you compare it with my web site, you can see that my site falls well short of society's expectations on "extreme"-ness. So I've decided to jump on the "extreme" bandwagon and see if it improves my site at all. I've taken the liberty of outlining my steps to becoming extreme so you can follow along at home.
The first thing to remember about being extreme is that you have to talk as though you are extremely excited about every last thing you have to say and if you don't yell it, nobody will hear. When writing, this can be accomplished by randomly putting entire words all in caps. Ready? GO! WHOOOO HOOO! This is awesome! Yeah! Rock on bro! Yeah, my site is kickin' some major ass now! Fuck yeah!
Okay! Step number two is to use a bunch of words that left the realm of popular vernacular in the eighties. Allright, now we get to use some radical and far-out words and phrases that went out of style fifteen years ago! Gnarly!
Step three is to get a TOTALLY FAR-OUT and EXTREME celebrity to give me a stellar endorsement! And since Tony Hawk is apparently the only EXTREME celebrity people will recognize, here he is! Give it up for Tony! WHOOOO HOOO!
Yeah, rock on! This looks like a good spot for tip number four, randomly insert words that only black people use to get a good mix of black, stoner, and eighties slang that creates one very EXTREME group of slang words. So I wanna shout out mad props to my peeps for stickin' by their boy at acrappywebsite.com, you playas are the best!
Okay, onto number five, which is where we really start to get EXTREME. Oh yeah dudes, that's right, it's time the INTENTIONAL MISSPELLINGS AND BADDD GRAMMR! Now we can do all sorts of KOOL SHIT like using the letter K in place of the letter C, and we can even take the not-so-extreme word of "extreme" and make it doubly extreme by misspelling it, so you have X-TREME! RADIKAL DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Now all we have left to do is throw in some random references to X-TREME sports, and we're all set. So I just wanna let you dudes know that after I get done I'm grabbing my board and running over to the local half-pipe. I DID IT! I HAVE THE MOST X-TREME WEB SITE EVER! I'm so extreme, that I'd better start spelling it "XX-TREME." God I am fucking awesome! I'm so XX-TREME it hurts. Damn dudes, I need to go calm down from the XX-TREME XX-itement. Peace out bros!
stoners are too stupid to understand that I'm making fun of them