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When you look at the events surrounding the Dixie Chicks' public controversy, one thing seems to jump out at me. Beginning with the anti-Bush comment of the short ugly one at a concert a few years back through their recent sweep of the Grammy awards, something just doesn't seem right. It seems to me there's a big elephant in the room and everyone is afraid to be the first one to say something. So since nobody else wants to talk about it, I will. Now, I'm not saying this is a for sure, definite thing because I haven't done the tests to back it up. I could be wrong, so I'm just going to throw it out there as a possibility.

The Dixie Chicks are, in fact, mentally retarded.

First, let's look at the original comment from singer Natalie Maines at a London comment way back in 2003. Bear in mind the time and the circumstances. We were on the eve of the Iraq invasion that much of the world disagreed with, including England, where the comment was made.

"Just so you know, we're on the good side with y'all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas."

The first indication of mental retardation can be seen with the word "y'all." If that isn't enough to convince you, read the last part of the last sentence, the part that caused such a controversy. They're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas. Is that supposed to be insulting? What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Does that mean you'd be okay with him if he were from Oklahoma? I'm from Ohio, and there a lot of celebrities I don't like from Ohio, but the fact that they're from Ohio doesn't mean a damn thing to me. If somebody's an asshole, they're going to be an asshole no matter what state they're from, and I'm not going to feel any better about them if they're from a different state, nor am I embarrassed at being from the same state as they are. What the fuck does the state you're born in have to do with anything? I don't like Michigan assholes or Indiana assholes any more or less than I do Ohio assholes. She would have made herself look a lot more intelligent and mature by just saying something about George Bush's momma.

Besides the sheer stupidity and lack of all semblance of logic contained in this statement, something else really gets me about this. I'm amazed that the dumb bitch, as a singer in a shitty country group, actually said anything that she thought would insult George Bush. If there's one thing everybody knows about country music fans (besides their lack of intelligence and penchant for inbreeding) it's that they are the most rabid supporters of our country, our government, and especially the Republican party. Making an anti-Bush statement as a country musician would be like a preacher giving a sermon about how maybe Satan isn't such a bad guy after all. It's just asking for trouble. Just look at the reaction to this statement. Major celebrities make fun of Bush and say anti-Bush things all the time and nobody gives a rat's ass. But a country group makes one poorly thought out and nonsensical comment that, in all honestly, just makes them look like ten-year-olds more than anything, and the country world goes absolutely ape shit over it. They got shunned by the country music industry, lost millions of dollars, almost lost their careers, and received death threats, all because they don't like being from the same state as as the President. Of course this doesn't say much for the people who got so pissed off over it either, but you have to remember the I.Q. handicap they're working with.

Fast forward three years later to 2006, when the Dixie Chicks released their most recent album with its controversial first single "Not Ready to Make Nice." Make nice? What the fuck does that mean? Is that some sort of hillbilly way of saying apologize? Make nice? What the fuck? They get disowned by the country industry, then say that's fine with them because they don't care about country fans anyway, yet they still talk like people who never finished the 5th grade. Awesome.

Fast forward again to the Grammy awards a few weeks ago, where the Dixie Chicks won all five awards they were nominated for, proving once again that immature jackasses who accidentally create a controversy through their own stupidity then dwell on it always get rewarded in the end. What cracks me up is that these situations always follow the same script.

Celebrity dumbass fucks up and says something that gets them in trouble. Celebrity dumbass calls a press conference to back pedal frantically, hoping people will buy it. People don't buy it, so celebrity dumbass calls another press conference to apologize. Celebrity dumbass realizes people don't care about their apology so they admit they were lying when they apologized, then say to hell with anyone who doesn't like them. Celebrity dumbass talks about free speech. Other celebrity dumbasses support the first celebrity dumbass, also citing free speech. Original celebrity dumbass talks about free speech some more. More celebrity dumbasses jump on the free speech bandwagon and talk about how they're so much more intelligent and enlightened because they support free speech and the right of the original celebrity dumbass to make an ass of themselves. Celebrity community honors original dumbass for being such brave advocates of free speech and gives them some sort of award. Public looks on in bewilderment at how fucking stupid and pompous celebrities are.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying people should be punished for saying things other people don't like. But that doesn't mean they should be rewarded for it either. Face it, 90% of the people who babble on about free speech don't even have the benefit of a basic high school government class and have no fucking idea why free speech was included in the Bill of Rights to begin with. Of course you have the right to free speech, but there's a big difference in making a constructive, thoughtful statement that just isn't popular, and being a dipshit. People who make dipshits of themselves and then drone on about free speech are really only making themselves look like even bigger dipshits, which is exactly what happened here. The Dixie Chicks, who you know damn well can't even spell the word "Constitution," got themselves in deep shit and jeopardized their careers, so they pulled the free speech card out of the "Celebrity Get out of Jail Free" deck. All of a sudden, rather than being retarded bitches who said something stupid, they became "brave" and "courageous." The fact is, they didn't do anything brave or courageous. They aren't pioneers. They aren't fighting for our right to free speech. They fucked up. They said something to get a cheap pop at an overseas concert and it leaked back here and pissed off a bunch of cousin-loving rednecks who stopped buying their CDs and going to their shows. That's all this situation is, and all their awards are just the industry's way of applauding them for having the courage to pull the "Free Speech" card and be pissed off.

If you need further proof of their mental retardation, just look at the masterfully-worded and well-thought-out acceptance speech at the Grammys for the Country award, which they supposedly didn't want to be anymore.

"That's interesting. Well, to quote the great 'Simpsons'....heh-heh." (Pause) Just kidding. A lot of people turned their TVs off right now. I'm very sorry for that."

What the fuck is this gibberish? Did she not realize how fucking stupid she would sound saying this on national TV? To quote the great Simpsons? And laughing about the situation just proves my point completely. It wasn't a fight about free speech. It was a fucking game where she said something stupid, and she got away with it in the end. And how exactly one can win a country music award when one's music isn't played on any country music stations is beyond me. Oh wait a minute, maybe they didn't win because of their music. Maybe they would have won even with just one song. Maybe the exact same thing would have happened if their CD had included the first single and nine tracks of nails being scraped across chalkboards. Maybe it doesn't fucking matter because they were just being rewarded for being dipshits. Hey, wait a minute. They WERE just being rewarded for being dipshits. And the dumb bitch even admitted it with the following acceptance speech.

"I think people are using their freedom of speech with all these awards. We get the message."

Wow. Way to totally discredit your music. Admitting that you're getting awards because you babbled on like a dumbass about free speech because you fucked up and said something stupid. Way to make sure people take you seriously as an artist.

Unless of course they are, in fact, mentally retarded. Then this all makes sense. And if you need more proof, just look at them.

They look pretty retarded to me. Judging from this picture, my guess would be a total of 10 grades of school completed between the three of them. Especially the one on the left. What the fuck is wrong with her eyes? They're freaking me out. It's like they're looking in two different directions. Maybe if they hadn't screwed themselves out of all that money by being retarded she could afford an operation to fix that. And if they're going to make a habit out of showing a lot more skin than ugly women should show, they could at least "make nice" with a fucking tanning bed. God damn they're pasty.