I decided that since I like getting email so much, I should start sending some emails of my own.
Dear MTV,
I used to be a viewer of your programming, but have become tired of your company's tendency to cater to the lowest common denominator and recycle the same show ideas, which you feed to the masses as though it were an IV of ignorance. The difference between what MTV has become, and the potential you are just pissing away, is very disheartening. You could be this generation's unquestioned media cultural leaders, producing innovative, cutting edge programming, exposing viewers to a veritable smorgasbord of cultural programs and experiences. Instead, you're simply the media's leading contributor to the dumbing down of this generation, and the society that is being shaped by, and will continue to be shaped by, your viewers.
Bearing this in mind, I as a person, and society as a whole, would owe you a great debt of gratitude if you smartened up your programming a little bit by canceling (among others) the following shows, and burning all footage and other evidence of their existence.
"TRL"
Practically the only time of the day when you can see music videos on Music TV, in itself a dichotomy, this show just runs the same crappy, overplayed songs you can hear every hour on the hour by turning on your radio. Oh yeah, and shows a bunch of annoying teenyboppers screaming. Total waste of air time.
"Bam's Unholy Union"
Yet another show where we get to watch a dysfunctional celebrity couple bitch and bicker about anything that comes to mind. Not only is this recycled show idea getting old fast, but it gives a very skewed picture of what adult relationships can and should be. Our culture has enough problems with relationship and family instability. Why glorify short-term celebrity marriages that always go up in a spectacular fire of TV and tabloid frenzy?
"Yo Mama"
A contest in which people compete at...trash talking, the single lowest form of verbal expression.
"MTV Cribs"
I will never understand why people enjoy intentionally making themselves envious of babied celebrities who get money thrown at them for being beautiful or having one highly-developed, well-marketable skill. America's shallow, superficial, materialistic culture at its lowest.
"Date My Mom"
I want to give MTV credit for emphasizing the role of parents in their children's dating lives, but this is just asinine. The idea is that the guy gets to know the mothers so they can learn about their daughters and make a good decision about what the daughter would be like, instead of just dating someone for their looks. The problem is, here's what really happens. Some guy goes on three dates with old women, pretends to give a shit about the things they have to say, then they pick the most attractive mom as the winner since they're assuming the daughter will also be attractive. It's the same shallow logic they're trying to avoid, only it also involves betting on genetics.
"The Real World"
Not only is the premise of this show wholly uninteresting, but has it ever occurred to you to go with a different lineup than getting a gay guy, a racist, an intolerable bitch, a manwhore, a militant black guy, and a Southern Baptist who's never met a black person before? Just why is it called "The Real World" anyway? Nothing in this show even remotely mirrors any situation a "real" person would ever find themselves in. And if all you're after is human drama, wouldn't it be easier to just set up cameras in a high school somewhere?
"Meet the Barkers"
See "Bam's Unholy Union."
"My Super Sweet 16"
A show where viewers get to watch parents spoil some rich brat by spending more money on a damn birthday party than a lot of people make in a year. Oh but it's okay because it makes the day memorable. Because you apparently have to spend a lot of money to have a memorable day.
"Parental Control"
Again, nice to try and include parents in the dating process, but again, this is just asinine. The parents don't like the little bastard/bitch their daughter/son is dating, so they meddle and tell them who they should date. So the boyfriend/girlfriend gets to watch as their significant other goes on dates with two other people, all the while trading insults with both parents, emphasizing how unavoidable it is to have an adversarial relationship with the parents of your significant other, and how necessary it is to be as bitter towards each other as you can, making it as hard as possible for the person caught in the middle. And the staging is just way too obvious, taking away what little dramatic appeal the show might hold for some intellectual cripples, as the reactions and insults are obviously rehearsed and devoid of any real emotion whatsoever.
"Made"
Hooray for pretending to be someone you're not instead of learning to be happy with yourself!
"Road Rules"
See "The Real World." Except the added stupidity of being in a van. And doing tasks and obstacles creepily reminiscent of an elementary school gym class.
"Engaged and Underage"
People too young and immature to even think about getting married are put on stage so we can all cheer as they throw their lives away by getting themselves in a marriage before they even know themselves or what they want to do with their lives. So romantic. I just have one question. Can you do update shows from two years later where you show the unhappiness, ruined credit, massive debt, child support/spousal support/alimony, and single-parenting situations these children get themselves into by playing house?
"Viva La Bam"
I don't even watch this show, so I really don't know what it's about, it just insults my intelligence that you can't find enough people to star in your crappy recycled shows, so we get to see the same people in more than one crappy recycled show. How fantastically unoriginal. I mean seriously, are you guys even trying?