'Twas a long time ago, before most can remember
A cold, snowy night, the 24th of December.
A family in Hippieville was making no sounds
Hoping to catch Santa Claus, making his rounds.
From parents to children, each one was a hippie
Right down to their two-year-old daughter named Pippy.
"Will Santa Claus come?" Pippy asked with a smile?
Her mom nodded. "Yes, just you wait for awhile."
Just then a noise startled them from the outside
And then down the chimney a man started to slide.
His red hat and coat and boots have him away
Santa was here, what a glorious day!
But just then the hippies all screamed out of fright
What greeted them was a most horrible sight.
I really don't know just quite where to begin
But Santa was dead and his skull was bashed in.
Then down came a club that was covered in blood
And then the club's owner dropped down with a thud.
"I'm Randy the caveman" he said loud and clear
"And I'm making sure there's no Christmas this year."
"But why?" asked the hippies. "We don't understand."
"Christmas is the happiest time in the land."
"Because you bastards" Randy said with a scoff
"Your presents and snowmen and songs piss me off!"
Said mommy "Those things are no reason for killin'
I think you are just a despicable villain."
"Well mommy," said Randy, "that may just be so
But I don't give a fuck so you'll be first to go."
And with that the club swung, hitting mom on the head
All the children cried out, their mommy was dead.
What the caveman did next was even more shocking
He took a big shit right in Pippy's red stocking.
He took down the tree's giant star made of glass
And then he shoved it right up Pippy's ass.
He started to destroy every last single toy
When Pippy decided how to show him some joy.
I could sing him a Christmas song to warm his cold heart
Just then Randy lifted his leg and said "I have to fart."
"Joy to the world," Pippy started to sing
Then all of a sudden, the club started to swing.
A hit to the temple of Pippy's young head
As blood trickled down in a pool colored red.
Then Randy the caveman said "This has been fun.
But I've ruined your Christmas so my work here is done."
They could hear Randy shout as he walked away
"Screw all you hippies and fuck Christmas day!"
The End
people think Dr. Seuss is turning in his grave