HEY RANDY YOURE THE SHIT I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU THERES THIS HOT CHICK AT WORK WHOS HAD SEX WITH EVERYBODY BUT ME AND I CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT IM DOING WRONG SHES REALLY HOT AND HAS HOT BOOBS AND I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER SO HOW DO I GET HER TO HAVE SEX WITH ME JOHN
I came up with ten suggestions. I hope they help.
1.Learn to punctuate and use your shift key when appropriate, rather than leaving Caps Lock on constantly. Nothing turns chicks on like emails whose writing contains proper grammatical structure.
2. Ask her what her usual rate is, offer double whatever she says.
3. Say please.
4. Be a gentleman. Offer to take it slow. If she says she's not ready to have sex with you, tell her you'll settle for playing with her boobs until she's ready.
5. Tell her how beautiful you think she would be with her clothes off.
6. Offer to not kick her out the door after you finish.
7. Tell her that if she's good, you'll give her a vibrator to pleasure herself with after you fall asleep.
8. Tell her all the guys told you she's really good and you wanted to hit that shit.
9. Tell her she'll barely know you're in there.
10. Tell her all the other guys make fun of you for being the only one she hasn't slept with.
11. Do something nice for her, then tell her she owes you.
12. Remind her of something nice you have done for her in the past, then say you need a favor this time.
13. Bet her 50 bucks that she sucks in bed.
14. Tell her you've been diagnosed with a terminal illness and the Make-A-Wish foundation called and the only thing you really wanted to do was bone her before you die.
15. Tell her your doctor told you that you could still transmit your herpes when you aren't having an outbreak and you want to prove him wrong.
16. Tell her your pubic lice need a new home.
17. Bet her that the hair on her head isn't natural. Of course the only way for her to prove that will be to show you hair on another part of her body where she doesn't dye it.
18. Ask her to do it. If she says she doesn't do it just to do it, tell her that's not what you heard.
19. Tell her you're the only two humans left alive and you have to reproduce as your duty to your species, then hope nobody walks around the corner to disprove your story.
20. Grab her boobs and go "Honk honk."
For more life advice feel free to drop me an email at mail@acrappywebsite.com