This is my town. I'm not originally from here, but after high school I chose to come to school here, and now this is my town. We were both from the same place originally and we started dating while I was in college and she was still in high school, and she followed me here. This is MY town. MINE. I'm the only reason that bitch ever came here in the first damn place. And now she goes into my fuckin bank like it's okay and there's nothing wrong with invading your ex's bank. When I think about it, I really shouldn't be surprised, she has proven time and again that she just doesn't fucking understand the rules of breaking up.
Maybe she does it on purpose, or maybe she's just dumber than a bucket of pig shit. I'm inclined to lean more toward the second because of some of the retarded shit she did while we were dating that just made me shake my head in frustration at being with somebody so fucking stupid. I don't think she would do it on purpose, or in a mean-spirited way, she just doesn't know anything. I hate to think it would come to this, but in order to get her to respect my space, I just might have to draw a line down the center of the town and tell her which side is her side and which side is my side. I should just run her ass out of town, seeing as I was here first and my hot ass is the only reason she came here in the first damn place, but I'm too nice a guy to do that. She just doesn't understand the rules.
Don't Go To Your Ex's Place Of Work
This is just asking for trouble. Tempers are likely enough to flare up when ex-lovers meet in the mall, but knowingly going to your ex's place of work is just asking to be slapped. My ex has done this one on at least two separate occasions that I know of. Now, we did work at the same place, so one could make the argument that it's as much hers as mine, but let me explain something. She only worked there one school year, whereas I had already worked there two when she started there. That by itself makes it mine. Second of all, I actually have friends there. She despised our coworkers. One of the things I didn't like about her was her two-faced nature. She would act like she was everyone's best friend, but she once told me that she didn't like any of our coworkers and had no desire to be friends with any of them outside of work. On the other hand, two of the four groomsmen in my upcoming wedding work there, and another one used to work there.
Don't Go To Your Ex's Favorite Places
This one can be hairy, because a lot of times both people like some of the same places. Me and my ex used to go to Chili's a lot. I love Chili's. You know what else? I don't think I've been back there since we broke up. Meijer is right by where she lives, so even though Meijer is my store, I go to Kroger now unless it's night, when I know my ex doesn't go shopping. The chances of running into her while doing my 2A.M. grocery run are probably zero. There was one day when I was still in school that I saw my ex in the lounge in the business school. She was a nursing student. What the fuck was she doing in my fucking business school lounge? AND WHAT ABOUT MY GOD DAMN BANK!? I can see if she wanted to use a different bank than Fifth-Third, I don't have a problem with that, but why the fuck does she think it's okay to go to the one bank that she knew damn well I go to? I have been going to my bank since long before we were dating, and we dated for a year and a half and I know she went to the bank with me during that time, so she should know which fucking bank to stay away from.
Don't Talk To Your Ex's Friends
There are very few occasions when couples have friends who are legitimately friends of equal measure with both parties. Most likely though, a couple's friends were friends of one person or another when the relationship started, and the second person just hung out with them by default because of who they were dating. When you break up, you give up your associative rights to your ex's friends. This is another one my stupid ex just doesn't fucking understand. She keeps trying to talk to my friends. One time she actually got pissed because she saw one of my coworkers and started talking to him, and he didn't know who the hell she was until he said "Oh wait, are you Randy's ex?" She didn't like the fact that the only way he knew her was through me. Well guess what, bitch, shit happens, wear a helmet. He worked with me for two years and worked with her for two weeks. Of course her only significance to him is going to be as my ex-girlfriend. And she keeps trying to talk to my friends when she sees them on campus. The thing is, my friends that she keeps trying to talk to probably hate her more than I do because they had to see me every day after that whole mess ended. I at least had some residual feelings for her for a while, they just hate her. But of course they're too nice to tell her that and she's too fucking stupid to realize it herself. Maybe I could try hanging out with her friends and see how she feels. Except they were all fat retarded bitchy whores who I couldn't stand. Oh and let's not forget the gay guys. And that exchange student who creeped me the fuck out. The best part of the end of that relationship was I didn't have to pretend to tolerate her stupid fucking friends any more. God they pissed me off.
Don't Talk About Dating Other People
This is a definite no-no. Especially if the story involves anything sexual. If you plan on telling your ex about your post-relationship sex life, you'd better have police on hand. There is nothing worse than dumping someone, and then rubbing their face in the fact that you're dating other people. Thankfully my ex never talked about her dating other people, but then again, I probably would have killed her if she had. I was very highly emotionally unstable at the time. What she did was actually suggest other girls for me to go out with. Now she may have meant well by trying to help me get going, but all it did was just emphasize the fact things were over with her. We tried to be friends after the breakup, which was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but I learned my lesson. Not two weeks after she dumped me, she implied that I should ask out one of the people I worked with. I calmly reminded her that it wouldn't be fair to this other person since I had feelings for somebody else. That got her to change the subject really quickly.
Don't Talk About Things You Did Or Did Not Do In The Relationship
I don't necessarily mean sexual, but that would be very, very bad. I mean anything. For example, after the breakup I was feeling pretty shitty about myself and I started working out and running to try and feel better. I mentioned that to her and she asked why I never wanted to go running with her when we were dating. First of all, I don't know who that bitch thought she was kidding because she hadn't run in about a year and still hasn't I presume because I have it on good authority that her ass has approximately tripled in size since we broke up. But anyway, after she asked why I never ran with her I asked her politely not to bring up our former relationship unless she wanted to resume it. And she didn't bring it up again. At least for ten minutes or so.
Anything Left At Your Ex's House Automatically Becomes Their Property
This I have gone into before, but it's important enough that it's worth repeating. When you dump someone, if you left your shit at their house, it becomes theirs forever. This rule is a corollary of Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers. If you leave something at your ex's house, it is up to them whether they give it back or not. My ex left two pans at my apartment. Actually she says two but I think it was only one. I honestly don't know what happened to the one, but here's what became of the other:
Yes, I know I used this cartoon in another article, but it's a classic and it applies here as well, so here it is. I should have shit on more of her stuff. Maybe if I ever see her at the bank again I'll shit on her car. That would teach her to go to my bank. Bitch.
people think I need to attend anger management classes