While digging through some of my old, unfinished articles, I found an email written about two years ago whose response I started, but never really finished because I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with it. Oops. Sorry Jeff. Anyway, onto Jeff's question.
I'm going to be moving out of my parents' house in a couple months and into my own apartment (WOOHOO!) and was wondering if you had any advice. - Jeff
Do I ever. I'm glad you asked, Jeff. After years of living the good life as a bachelor, my fiance has moved in with me and my wedding date is quickly approaching. I would hate for all the knowledge I've gained to be lost, so I've created a guide dedicated to young bachelors about to go out on their own. I hope you find it helpful.
a crappy guide to bachelorhood
The first and most important thing about getting your own place is the apartment itself. This may sound obvious, but I can't emphasize enough how important finding the right place for you really is. Here are some things to keep in mind for finding the perfect bachelor pad.
If possible, try to avoid looking close to a college, military base, or place that employs hundreds or thousands of people (like a large factory). Proximity to such places often comes with high rent for the convenience factor.
Be sure to find out what utilities (if any) are included in your rent.
Don't underestimate the cost of utilities. For example, if you find two comparable apartments and one is 50 dollars a month more, but covers utilities, while the other doesn't, take it. It's very possible that utilities can tack on an extra hundred dollars or more a month to your living expenses, especially during the winter.
Before signing anything, ask people who live in other apartments in the same complex what kind of experience they've had. If maintenance takes a week to fix leaks and the complex manager is a complete bitch, they certainly won't tell you that on the tour. The only people who can give you a truly accurate idea of what life in a complex is like are the tenants.
If possible, find somewhere with access to a grocery store and several fast food restaurants, cutting down on travel time and maximizing your video-game-playing time.
Ask lots of questions about your lease. Find out about lease-breaking penalties, late fees, renewal lease terms available, and other things that make it sound like you know what the hell you're talking about. The smarter a potential landlord thinks you are, the less likely you are to get screwed over.
Actually reading the lease doesn't hurt, either.
Before signing your lease, actually look at the unit you are assigned. They always show you the best and shiniest unit available in the whole complex. Make sure you aren't signing a lease for an apartment with a hole in the ceiling, or something similar. Check all plumbing and lighting to make sure it works properly. You don't want to move in to your new apartment, take a shit, and then not be able to flush the toilet.
Carefully document with your landlord all damage in the apartment when you move in. If the guy before you punched a hole in the wall, make sure it's documented so they don't try and say you did it and charge you for it. It's much easier to deal with alleged damage to your apartment when you have something written down to back up your claims other than "That was here when I moved in."
Things To Remember Before You Move In
Set up a time to get your phone, cable, and internet service working. Nothing is more frustrating than being all by yourself in a brand new apartment and having to wait two weeks to have access to internet porn.
Make certain you get all utilities transferred into your name. Sure, it may be cheaper for you if they are still putting your electricity on the last guy's account, but it won't be fun when it gets turned off because he isn't paying for it.
Fill out a change-of-address form at the post office.
Update your address with anyone who sends you mail regularly (banks, credit cards, nudie magazines).
Things To Take With You That Many People Forget
Toilet paper. You'd be surprised how many people forget to take toilet paper the first time they move out of the house. Trust me, the first time you wipe your ass with a newspaper or a grocery sack will get you to remember it.
Plenty of nudie magazines. Living alone, you have a lot of time by yourself. And you can get bored a lot.
A trash can and trash bags. Believe it or not, when you just pile up empty McDonald's bags, Dominoe's boxes, and pop cans, it can and will attract flies.
Laundry detergent. Unless you plan on taking your dirty laundry home to Mommy, you'll want to grab some detergent. Otherwise, your clothes won't get very clean.
Shower curtain (if none is provided). This happened to me in my current apartment. I moved all my crap in on a day I worked 5 to close and had to hurry to work. I got back home, got ready to take a shower and set up shop with all my crap in my new pad, and realized I had no shower curtain. Luckily, Meijer is open 24 hours, but let me tell you, it's really hard to look cool standing in line at Meijer after midnight wearing a work uniform, smelling like a restaurant kitchen, and holding a blue shower curtain with penguins on it. Also don't forget a bath mat if you're the clumsy type who would slip in the shower.
Plunger. Hey, we all clog the toilet every once in a while. It's okay.
Curtains or blinds for your windows. Many places don't supply these, and you don't want to be walking around your new apartment in nothing but your underwear and then realize your bedroom window doesn't have any blinds and your 58-year-old neighbor is blowing you kisses.
A vacuum cleaner. Yeah, I know, not something you would expect on this list, but trust me, it will come in handy. Not that it's something you will use very often, but you will be glad you have it when you're planning for the first time you bring your new girlfriend back to your apartment. Maybe ask for this for Christmas and your relatives will be so thrilled at your show of responsibility that they'll throw in a new video game with your vacuum.
An alarm clock. If you didn't have one already, you'll definately need one now. Mommy's not there to haul your ass out of bed any more.
Things you WON'T need to take
Pants. Nobody can explain why, but men who live alone just don't like to wear pants. I remember seeing jokes about it on TV before I had my own place, never thinking it was that funny. Now that I live alone, those jokes are hysterical. Basically, if I don't have anybody coming over, and I'm not going anywhere, I don't have pants on. That's just the way it is. That's one thing I'm not looking forward to about growing up and having a family. I'll have to wear pants. Pants suck.
All that crap you're keeping in boxes in your parents' attic. As a general rule, if you aren't sure where it is, or you don't know what it's for, or you haven't seen it in six months, you don't need it. Space is hard enough to come by in an apartment without taking a bunch of crap you don't need with you.
The clothes you've outgrown but are keeping around in case you ever drop a little weight and can wear them again. Trust me, if you are just about to go out on your own, you are at the thinnest you will be for the rest of your life.Your weight will only go up from here. You will never wear those clothes again. Bachelor life is filled with beer, fast food, and a lack of exercise, not things that tend to have a slimming effect.
A clothes hamper. If you're living alone, you don't need to be as neat as you're used to. As long as you know which clothes are dirty and which clothes are clean, you're set. My tried-and-true system was that clean clothes stayed on the living room couch where I dumped them after doing my laundry, and dirty clothes went on the floor wherever I happened to take them off.
A footstool . The year before I moved out on my own, my grandmother got me a footstool for the new place. Yeah, I don't know what she was thinking either. You don't need a fucking footstool.