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I am so fucking tired of American Idol. Whose fucking retarded idea was that show anyway? First of all, "reality" TV is fucking stupid in the first place. There isn't one God damn thing about it that's real. The network designs the show's premise, picks the participants, and decides what material is put in the show. If "reality" TV is based on "real" life, then why the fuck doesn't it resemble real life? When was the last time your family voted somebody out of the house? Or the last time you were forced to live with a militant black man, a gay guy, a hillbilly who'd never met a black person before, an angry feminist, an over-the-top annoying bitch, and an unapologetic racist all in the same house? How about when was the last time you had to eat a plate of worms faster than another guy? The last time you had to spend months auditioning for a job, and then didn't get it anyway? The last time you won immunity for your friends by doing some retarded and nonsensical challenge? The last time you were judged on your boxing ability by an actor? Hmm, me neither. It's the damnedest thing because they call it reality TV, so it must actually happen in real life somewhere.

But of all the fucking retarded reality shows, American Idol is by far the worst. What a fucking stupid premise for a show. You prove you can sing other people's songs from a variety of genres, being judged by a shitty has-been 80's singer, a British douchebag with a stick shoved up his ass, and some random guy whose qualification to judge musical talent I never have heard explained. What a fucking stupid idea. I can't watch that fucking show without either getting pissed off or falling asleep. A bunch of stupid, no-talent ass clowns singing boring shitty music. How is that considered entertainment?

I saw a commercial on Fox before the start of this coming season for American Idol and they said something about it being the most important show on TV. Now granted, they could just be joking, but it certainly didn't sound like it, which begs the question: "How in the blue hell can that show be considered important?" You see, "important", by definition means that it has some sort of effect on other people or events. Just what effect does American Idol have on anybody? The effect it has on me is to either piss me off or put me to sleep, but other than that, nothing. It's a meaningless, retarded show. The only end result of it is that some fucking kid with no talent or experience gets a record deal. Fuck all the truly deserving aspiring musicians who practice and perform on a small level for years and years and who ACTUALLY WRITE THEIR OWN MUSIC, who never see the light of day when it comes to record deals. That's what pisses me off the most about the whole thing. Well maybe not, but it does piss me off quite a bit. You reward people for singing other people's music. No wonder 90% of the music on the radio doesn't mean anything. The person singing it didn't write it. Why don't we reward people who can actually write good songs? That's a hell of a lot harder than singing. Any dumbass can sing, it takes talent to write.

Simon Cowell is a douche. I am so fucking tired of seeing that guy's face everywhere. All he does is bitch about how all the people have no talent. Well you know what, Simon? When you have a shitty TV show that only dipshits watch, you're not going to attract a whole lot of talented people. And for as much shit as he gives other people for sucking, what the fuck has he ever done that involves talent? A fucking parrot could do his job. All you'd have to do is teach it to say "That was bloody horrible" and "Go home, I've heard enough." Fucking British jackwagon. If you can't sing yourself, then you have no business telling other people they suck. If, on the other hand, he can sing, why isn't he making his money singing, rather than sitting around on his ugly ass bitching at other people? I keep hearing that he's funny, but I've never heard him say one single funny thing, just "That was bloody awful," and "You can't sing, get out of here." How is that funny? Anybody can tell somebody they suck. Jesus Christ. Just saying somebody sucks isn't funny. He needs to just pull the cucumber out of his ass and get a real job. And Paula Abdul telling people they suck is funny, too. That's like a midget calling a dwarf short. Although I should at least give Paula a little credit for being such a pioneer. She was singing shitty chick music before it was cool to sing shitty chick music.

And the most annoying thing of it all is that that fucking show is everywhere. I turned on the TV Guide channel the other day to see what was on TV, and these two retarded bitches were doing the "Idol Chat" segment where they talk about what happened on American Idol last week, and what they think is going to happen this week. You know what bitch, if I wanted to find out what happened on American Idol, I would have watched the fucking show. Now either shut the fuck up or talk about something interesting. Oh and the one chick just happened to have a baby picture of the other chick, so they got a good laugh out of that. Then the other dumb bitch said something like "I knew you were going to do something like that, so I brought one of you, too." And then the two bitches cackled like retards because they were so fucking embarrassed. And they actually acted like the whole thing wasn't staged, like people are supposed to believe that these two chicks just happened to bring baby pictures of the other on the same day. Not only does that insult my intelligence, it insults my ignorance. Fucking assholes.

crap from 2005