Let's face it. Hollywood is running out of ideas. Quickly. An increasing number of "new" movies are sequels, remakes, reboots, rehashes, spinoffs, or otherwise old movies come back again with a new face, new name, or new plot twists. Don't get me wrong, it isn't all bad. A lot of movie sequels or reboots are very enjoyable and I can't get enough of them. In other cases, sequels can end up being better than the original movies and wind up playing on my TV again and again.
But it seems that not only is Hollywood running out of new movie ideas, they're even running out of movies to make sequels to. They do sequels until movie franchises have been squeezed dry, then have to move onto something, and they're starting to run out of contemporary movies. They've had to turn back the clock and resurrect classic movie franchises that went out with a bang many years ago, with very mixed results. The recent trend seems to target 80s and early 90s franchises thought dead over a decade ago. So which sequels have enhanced the franchise, which sequels have not necessarily enhanced it, but made for a good bit of nostalgia, and which ones were nothing but a shameless ploy for has-been writers and actors to get back in the spotlight? Each of the movies below I've examined inside and out and decided, in my own humbly correct opinion, whether the movie should have been made or not. Of course, everyone has their own criteria for judging movies, but for these particular movies, here's the criteria I used:
Did the writers come up with a good transition to bring back the movie and make it fit with the previous movies?
Was the movie true to the spirit of the previous movies?
Did the movie enhance or detract from our image of the previous movies?
Did the movie enhance or detract from our image of the heroes and villains of the previous movies?
And finally, but most importantly, was the movie good as a stand-alone movie, or was it too reliant on previous movies for its' appeal?
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
I'll begin with Terminator 3 because it was arguably the 80's sequel that kickstarted the whole fad. Also because it was the one I might have been most excited about. And most disappointed by.
Transition: Um, there really wasn't one. Terminator 2 pretty much sealed all the loose ends. Skynet's author was dead, his work destroyed, and all remaining futuristic chips that could have been copied to make Skynet were either blown up or melted. The series was capped beautifully. Two solid movies that came to a satisfying conclusion and blew plenty of shit up in the process. Then 10-odd years later they make another one where a Terminator comes back and says "Just kidding, you didn't stop the war." No real explanation was given and not much was said about the time between other than "Mom's dead, John's homeless." Yeah. Great.
Spirit of the originals: This one is hard to judge because the two original movies had a lot of subtle differences. The first movie was very raw and had a definite Doomsday aura about it. The second was more hopeful and had a moral to it about making your own destiny. I don't watch action movies to learn valuable moral lessons so that didn't win any points from me. I have to say T3 started out more like the second, but as the movie progressed, it became more and more like the first movie, so I will go ahead and pass them on this criteria.
Image of previous movies: T3 was no T1 or T2. Sure they blew some shit up, but there wasn't nearly the flare to it shown in the first movies. I'm guessing people are a lot less excited about T4(sans Arnold even, can you say "big mistake?") as they were about T3.
Image of characters: I have to fail them in this category. John Connor was a timid little pussy whose girlfriend showed more balls than he did and Arnold got his ass kicked by a girl. I understand that Arnold's Terminator was an older model than both the models sent back to fight him in T2 and T3 so he logically should have lost. But seriously. I don't care how technologically advanced the Chickinator was. The bottom line is Arnold got his ass kicked by a girl. Major points off.
Good movie or not: No. Just no.
Should they have made it: If you haven't already guessed it, I'm going with a no. T2 was a perfect end to a perfect movie duo. A third movie absolutely wasn't needed and could only drag the franchise down. It did and I shudder to imagine what T4 will be like without Arnold. I mean seriously, I realize he's the Governator now so he's kinda busy, but God damn. A Terminator movie without Arnold will be like a porno without naked chicks. It's going to get really ugly in a hurry.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Transition: Not too bad. Indy is old as hell but still kicking.
Spirit of the originals: I'll have to give them a B on this one. They did have a lot of neat nostalgic-type things and similarities to the old movies to pass, but they did commit a few creative sins. They put way too many ancillary characters in this and gave them way too much screen time. Indiana Jones movies are supposed to be about Indiana Jones, not his illegitimate bastard child. They also gave way too many lines to Cate Blanchett. Indiana Jones was always a hero-driven series. Sure, you need a bad guy, but we want to see Indy. The only time we want to see the bad guy is when Indy is kicking his ass. That's right. HIS ass. Too many of these sequels have put way too much fight time in for female characters, often at the expense of the characters we paid to see. There is a time and a place for GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRl power. Action movies are not it.
Image of previous movies: I don't know that this movie hurt the legacy of the originals, but it definitely didn't help.
Image of characters: He may be old, but Indy is still Indy. His fight scenes got pretty hard to watch, but overall he has aged gracefully and it was nice seeing him again.
Good movie or not: As much as I enjoyed seeing Indy again, as a stand-alone movie, this sucked. Rumor has it the reason it took so long for Indy 4 to get made was that George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, and Harrison Ford couldn't all agree on a script. I find that very hard to believe because that implies they all agreed on this aggressively God-awful train-wreck of a story. I mean come on, aliens came down and built this lost city and had big fuckin heads? Are you serious? Part of what I liked about the originals was some of the supernatural fun, but this went too far. This went X-files. I half expected a flying saucer to show up, kidnap Indy, and give him an anal probe.
Should they have made it: I'm going to have to go with a no. I loved seeing Indy again, but not if it means seeing a shitty half-baked plot involving alien heads and corny getting-back-with-your-ex storylines. Most alarming of all was this movie seems to be priming us for the passing of the Indy torch from Harrison Ford to Shia LaBouef. Rumor has it Indy 5 may not even include Harrison Ford. That could end up even worse than an Arnold-less Terminator. I mean really, who the hell wants to see "Mutt Jones and the Shameless Bleeding of a Classic Movie Franchise"? Certainly not me.
Live Free or Die Hard
Transition: Again, not too bad, but to be fair, not a whole lot was needed.
Spirit of the originals: I will say that I was worried at the beginning that the movie would go too far into the "Oh my God, everything is done with computers now!" storyline as has been so popular since the internet boom. And I was also worried they'd do too much with the generation gap "Oh my God, what kind of music is THAT?" stuff that gets old REALLY quick. However, I'm glad to say they kept it to a minimum and it didn't interfere with the good old John McClane blows shit up Die Hard we all know and love. And of course, the obligatory "Yippee-kiy-yay motherfucker."
Image of previous movies: All three original Die Hard movies were outstanding and this one did not disappoint. They found new and spectacular ways to blow shit up as only John McClane can do. This movie didn't just rest on the laurels of the previous ones, it actually raised the bar for blowing shit up in a way T3 failed to do.
Image of characters: I have to say I actually had to think about this one because of the scene where John McClane gets his ass kicked by a girl (see the theme throughout these new sequels?). Sure, you can say he was caught totally off guard because he wasn't expecting a skinny Asian chick to know how to fight and be a martial arts expert, but the fact is, John McClane got his ass kicked by a girl and would've been killed by her if not for having his sorry ass saved by the wacky computer nerd sidekick. That was a very tough pill to swallow and it almost made me say this movie hurt John McClane's image. However, I have to say he redeemed himself with the scene in which he took out a helicopter with a car. That just might be the single most bad-ass thing ever shown on film in the history of time so I can pretend the ass-kicking by a girl didn't happen.
Good movie or not: Damn good movie. As I said, I was worried they were going to get sidetracked too much with the generation gap stuff and the old-guy-doesn't-like-computers stuff, but they didn't beat us to death with it and it didn't detract from the explosions and rampant ass-kickery. And they did it in style too. A car taking out a helicopter. The truck vs plane on a winding highway bridge. It was nothing short of beautiful.
Should they have made it: Hell yes. So much upside and only one short ass-kicked-by-a-girl downside. It's been a long time since I've seen such a satisfying two hours of sheer ass-kickery.
To Be Continued...