where everything sucks and I don't care


facebook can suck my dick (5/12/14)

the kanye west test (3/16/14)

why it doesn't matter who the Detroit Lions draft (2/23/14)

the back to the future trilogy: a few questions (2/15/14)

some helpful advice for foreigners visiting Disney World (2/2/14)

looking back at the 2013 fantasy football guide (1/12/14)

2013: a crappy year in review (1/4/14)

star wars: episode IX fanscript (12-28-13)

star wars: episode VIII fanscript (11-24-13)

star wars: episode VII fanscript (11-9-13)

i am a god (new email)(10/6/13)

my CD collection: a few questions (9/29/13)

i wish i was a baby (9/14/13)'s 2013 fantasy football guide (8/25/13)

roger goodell can eat a dick (8/12/13)

feet are fucking gross (7/28/13)

man of steel: a few questions (7/7/13)

people of wal-mart bingo (6/30/13)

being a dad: a few questions (6/16/13)

the sex room (6/2/13)

why i want to murder Elmo (5/12/13)

why Amy Schumer is a god damn genius (5-5-13)

villains i take more seriously than Kim Jong Un (4-21-13)

how to be the coolest person in the room (4-11-13)

why I would've made a better choice for Pope than what's-his-nuts (3-17-13)

quintessential Detroit Lions moments (3-6-13)

the benson diaries (2-24-13)

my biggest fan (new email) (2-21-13)

the ten most masturbatable pictures from this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue (2-17-13)

five things that piss me off about this year's Super Bowl (2-2-13)

a look back at the first ever fantasy football guide (1-21-13)

2012: a crappy year in review (1-11-13)

so if the Mayans are right... (12-20-12)

fuckin' obama (12-13-12)

fuck black friday (11-27-12)

election survival kit (11-6-12)

bad decision 2012 (10-30-12)

presidential debate bingo (10-14-12)

best butt-dial ever (10-7-12)

why i hate the packers (9-29-12)

at the risk of sounding sexist (9-12-12)

the first fantasy football guide (9-3-12)

the replacements: part two (8/30/12)

the name game (8/20/12)

holiday inn express = retards (8/12/12)

the dark knight rises: questions (7/31/12)

even in death (7-28-12)

of kidney beans & popeye's chicken (7-8-12)

jesus christ people, can we fucking let gay people get married already? (7-1-12)

my evil plan comes to fruition (6-6-12)

new underwear (5-28-12)

asshole, speed the fuck up (5-20-12)

wrong word asshole (5-10-12)

cool places to take your hooker (4-26-12)

the pros and cons of staying in Ohio (new email)(4-7-12)

why so many people hate Tim Tebow (3-27-12)

hey asshole, stop quoting South Park (3-15-12)

Vince McMahon reading my site?: new email (3-4-12)

annoying TV shows my wife watches (2-26-12)

the pros and cons of moving to Texas (2-11-12)

i can't make this shit up (2-5-12)

a crappy web show episode VIII - "Winning" (1-22-12)

a crappy history of time (1-14-12)

so before the Detroit Lions play their first playoff game in 12 years... (1-7-12)

a crappy web show episode VII "Farty Egg Water" (1-3-12)

a crappy web show episode VI "The Saddest Web Show Ever" (1-1-12)

2011: a crappy year in review (12-31-11)

nerd bashing time (12-31-11)

a crappy web show episode IV.V "Halloween Party" (new web show)(12-7-11)

a crappy web show episode IV "6th Best Out Of 10" (11-29-11)

a crappy web show episode III "White Trash Fest 2011" (11-29-11)

a crappy web show episode II "Molly's Show" (11-23-11)

holy crap, i figured out how to get my videos on my site (11-22-11)

what...the..fuck? (11-13-11)

my next 30 years (11-3-11)

dear Mike Judge (10-27-11)

Hank Williams Jr. = lol (10-8-11)

have your question heard on a future episode of "A Crappy Web Show" (9-25-11)

am i rude? (new email)(9-24-11)

finally, my opinions on TV will be heard (9-14-11)

two more emails about my beefs with christianity (8-21-11)

all about my balls (8-18-11)

just fucking great (8-7-11)

pastafarianism: new email (7-24-11)

56 things I will not fucking miss about working at Friendly's (7-10-11)

the office (6-25-11)

any hope for female rockers? (new email)(6-17-11)

X-Men: First Class: questions (6-11-11)

you're just jealous (new email) (6-2-11)

and you want me to give you a job? (part 5) (5-29-11)

since the world is ending...(5-21-11)

why i don't watch TMZ (5-14-11)

my beef with Christianity (new email) (5-7-11)

the 10th and final "rapistberger challenge" joke: (4-17-11)

the rapistberger 10 jokes in 10 days challenge (4-9-11)

the replacements (3-27-11)

i sell hamburgers for a living: (new standup video) (3-20-11)

The Rock vs John Cena: who owns who? (3-15-11)

the rant quiz (3-8-11)

is "The Expendables" the greatest movie ever? (3-2-11)

the pro bowl sucks (2-2-11)

yearly update (1-30-11)

new year's eve sucks (1-18-11)

2010: a crappy year in review (12-30-10)

it's a crappy life (part 3)(12-25-10)

it's a crappy life (part 2)(12-18-10)

it's a crappy life (part 1)(12-11-10)

what i'm thankful for in 2010 (11-24-10)

wtf (11-8-10)

and you want me to give you a job? (Part 4) (10-28-10)

popcorn festival rules (10-7-10)

dumb bimbo (9-14-10)


titting zoo (new drunken ramble)(8-18-10)

the chamber (8-11-10)

my good deed for the day (7-27-10)

things Mel Gibson has blamed the Jews for (7-13-10)

soccer sucks (6-26-10)

Star Wars: questions: Part 2, Episodes IV - VI (6-11-10)

Star Wars: questions: Part 1, Episodes I - III (6-1-10-)

friend vs girlfriend's friend (new email) (5-8-10)


you should never take pleasure in the misery of others (4-15-10)

fuck ben and jerry's (4-4-10)

ben roethlisberger's to-do list (3-17-10)


mathematical proof that Alice in Chains MUST change their name (2-24-10)

porn in 60 seconds (new standup set) (2-12-10)

sleeping penis (2-2-10)

fucking cat (1-19-10)

dear dick clark (1-9-10)

2009: a crappy year in review (12-31-09)

the reason for the season (12-25-09)

why i hate christmas (new email)(12-24-09)

diarrhea (12-18-09)


masturbation prescription (new standup set)(11-23-09)

bad hair day (11-13-09)

fuck baseball (11-3-09)

fat guy seat belt (new standup set)(10-23-09)

handicapped jokes are not funny (10-15-09)

they go together like football and breast cancer (10-10-09)

wheelchair pootang (new standup set) (9-30-09)

standup (updated email) (9-19-09)

why the Detroit Lions will go 0-16 again (9-9-09)

directv = retards (9-1-09)

and you want me to give you a job? pt 3 (8-22-09)

which chick would you do? (new email)(8-11-09)

agnostic no more (7-30-09)

why isn't Hanson dead yet? (7-20-09)

America the flawed (7-9-09)

hope and change for Ohio (6-27-09)

screw old people (6-20-09)

TP in the bum (6-13-09)

indisputable evidence that Kid Rock is a retard (6-6-09)

dear eminem (5-30-09)

why Michael Vick should never put on an NFL jersey again (5-21-09)

why I had a hard time suspending my disbelief with X-Men Origins: Wolverine (5-13-09)

swine flu (5-3-09)

vista sucks (4-25-09)

the haunted basement (4-15-09)

house shopping (4-10-09)

gambling stereotypes (3-31-09)

so it's come to this (3-21-09)

WANTED: (3-12-09)

another reason to be proud to be from Ohio (3-4-09)

why women are fucked up (2-23-09)

stupid bitch (2-15-09)

a few modest proposals for future Super Bowls (2-07-09)

dear roger goodell (1-31-09)

yes, the new President is black, can we please move on now? (1-24-09)

i hate assholes who...(1-16-09)

get Matt Millen the hell off my TV (1-9-09)

2008: a crappy year in review (12-31-08)

the crappy days of christmas (new song)(12-24-08)

my new TV (12-21-08)

of boobs and cole slaw (12-12-08)

does my apartment complex care? part 1 (12-4-08)

ten things I'm sick of seeing this NFL season (11-25-08)

where's my tickets bitch? (11-18-08)

drunken ramble: the beer god (11-11-08)

thank you God, it's almost over (11-4-08)

pubes on my face (10-28-08)

things more likely to happen than the Detroit Lions winning a football game (10-21-08)

an american carol: how to alienate even your target audience (10-12-08)


crappy archives:

crap from 2008

crap from 2007

crap from 2006

crap from 2005

crap from 2004


Feel free to link, or any material from the site, on your web site, live journal, blog, etc. You may also copy or distribute for entertainment purposes, any of my material, on two conditions. First, you must credit me (randy, as the author. Second, if you will profit in any way from said use, you must first contact me and get my permission in writing. For example, so long as you give me authoring credit, you may use one of my articles as a humorous speech for a not-for-profit speech competition or a school project. If, however, you want to use any of my material for a speech competition that awards monetary prizes to the winners, you must first email me to request my permission. However, if you pull a Carlos Mencia and steal any of my material to use as your own, may God have mercy on your soul, because I won't.



all written material and shitty artwork © 2004-2012 by randy,, unless otherwise noted